okay well.
lots of stuff's happen.
gone.
either.
when we say you either cherish it or lose it,
its not fair.
i cherished, yet lost it.
its really a prove from the high and above that i dont actually deserve friends.
thing's havent been cheery for me lately.
for me , for him, for her, and for them.
it occurred to me that what seemed at sight wasnt true.
it occurred to me that it turns out i was a backstabber in other's perspective.
i wish.
i really wish..

anw , looked through older posts.
from 2007 till now.
just glanced.
from the time when huijuan helped me with the blog
to francesca still existing
to small nitty gritty stuffs i used to post about even for the smallest things that made me upset.
then to someone
and another one
and abi
and troubles that i face
it really was good to turn around for a moment and look back at the past.
little to know how childish, extremely childish i actually was.
not to say im not now.
but , after what everyone tells me.
i think i kinda miss my past.
the nothing-much-to-worry past.
it was simple.
at first.
still, that's life.
sometimes i really wish time would come to a hault.
for me to just stop and look around at the people that are around me now
and really appreciate them , in case i lose them.
be it temporarily or just permanently , like death.
like dad always say , time would never wait for us.
so why ponder?
everyone always says appreciate the people around us while we can.
who actually does that?
that's humans.
we dont appreciate.
bet im gna re-read this post again some time and really hate myself for being me now.
odd , but yeah.
im kinda tired of life actually.
who isnt.
O levels are like less than 50 days away.
gta mug gta mug.

was talking to olivia on msn just now.
i really missed her.
talked about band and stuff.
i really miss band.
i miss the concert in december.
it brings regrets that i didnt appreciate those moments.
just that moment at least.
bringing up that flugelhorn,
being able to play a repetoire of songs with the entire band.
and seniors too.
i think that was the best.
one of the best moments of my life.
too bad none of us actually appreciated it.
and speech day too.
i miss that too.
i miss sitting beside olivia during band.
cracking sarcastic jokes with her.
and just rattling on abt how hurt our lips were.
hate to say this, but i do miss the seniors 2 batches above us.
joel , dequan and the rest of the ppl.
life sucks when you're having fun , aye.
yep.
alright.
buh byee