apologies for stealing the pic.
this was the other day when we sent chleo off at the airport.
really miss her now alrd. ):
she'll be back in december tho.
so yap.


been thinking alot alot alot these few days.
what i really want,
what i hope for,
how i'd wish you'd turn back and take a glance at me.
how you left abruptly.
i found myself walking alot more.
it's the only time i can relax.
where i feel like im the somewhere in that blissful serene area ,
between point A and point B.
if you know what i mean.
For a moment, i can leave everything behind.
Except this time, my thoughts seemed to follow me.
Are you out there?
and really wonder what he's doing now..





LOOK.
THIS IS WEIJUAN.
only i would remember her.
my senior in pri school band.
she used to call me doggie, cos i had to stupid ponytails.
horrendous.
she used to be my bestest friend and everything.
tho she's 2 years older.
used to call her up every single day after we got back home.
wonder if she finds me irritating.
oh and we'd take the sch bus and she'd keep a seat for me.
she was my SL in e-flathorn.
miss that mini instrument haha.
so anw, we lost contact after she graduated.
till i saw her, in SPSB again!
and she's vice-president. holy~
plus, she knows mom(angeline)
coincidental much.
cos now if anyone swears, she'll hit the person real hard.
ironically, she was the one who taught me what STFU meant.
hahaha.
and im taller than her now!
used to be like a head shorter than her.
and i used to think she was friggin tall and it wasnt fair.
okay this is real stupid of me.
but yeah, seems like every single person from e-flathorn
would eventually move on to french horn in sec sch.
except me uh.
enjoying trumpet still tho (:
alright that's it.


going back to bukitview tmr!
wow.
with my pokes and paulabehbeh.
yayy.
miss my pokes.
gots lots of catchin'up to do.
and yeah.
gna meet up with da too.
so i practically meet him for the whole week.
hahas, been long since its like this.
thank you holidays.
thank God.
thank my mom.
thank da.
thankful till i forgot im schooling.
holy~


k bye.


i cant help it.
that very first kiss.
and when you told me you did it deliberately.

wth happened to my blogstats?



okaii im back.
suppp.
think the time i had was more than enough to sort out my thoughts.
well technically yes.
as a matter of fact no.
ah stoopid girl.
being by the seaside lightens my load.
so thankful for this trip



okay, my lappie died ):
alr.
so fast.
i feel like crying.
was in such a hurry that day i didnt really feel anything.
now i feel so sad ):
so lag, after like 4-5 days.
but yeah.
and its the holidays, crappppppp.
i have to get back to school to fix my lappie
dammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmn.
fml.
maybe it has too much stickers.
or maybe the glow in the dark stickers affects it.
wth.
im so sleepy i could sleep on a cow nao.
):


okay byebye
sorry for leaving you alone bloggie.

The thought of you saying, seaweed's the best. Oh , you meant just for that few seconds of my pathetic life huh. Its not that easy. Im a piece of crap anw.. Alright, guess i will be MIA-ing for the next few days, hopefully able to put this down. I think my laptop just crashed anw. Bitch life.

someone's been digging out my past.
wasting my time.
never will be good enough for you.


i tried to sketch him .
i couldnt, its just different.


dislike you.

i did it.
i finished it.
just realised how perfect you are when i got down to every intricate bit of you.
you're amazing.

alright, maybe i'll do another one.
im so contradictive.
gna rot at home the whole day.
today's my last day to rot at home.
rot at home and become fat(er).
whichever.
this is the life..
finally.
k ima read a book.
nah, just purely rot.
i didnt watch the other half of princess mononoke in the end.
...

alright bye.


/edit.

watched finish princess mononoke alr.
the music so beautiful ^^
*sniffs*
hardly anyone appreciates it huh.
i love joe hisaishi !!!
whoamygawd.
gna watch spirited away and burn my book nao.

tonight, ima pick up my drawing pencils again.
damn it timuari.
i lent him for O lvl art when i dropped that sub.
proud of my pencils that he got B3 okay!
but yeah,
whatever. any pencil will do.
damn it let me continue.

tonight, im gna sketch your face.
whatever that's left from our memories.
not from that polaroid, but my memory.
and when im done,
what's left will be in that drawing itself.
no where else.
i hope i finish it.
i . cant. draw.

have i posted this before?

i dono. goldfish.

i just keep looking at those pictures .

and if i do see one and reminisce about it, i'd post it.

so if i post the same photo every 3 secs of my life.

sorry ah, wahlao.

k . last night was horrible.

i've began watching anime movies.

esp those related to beautiful anime pieces.

y'know y'know???

yeah the first thing i thought of after laputa and grave of the fireflies

was princess mononoke.

the music is awesomeeeeee.

but like, nvr watched the movie before.

omg so violent.

and everything. all the blood and decomposition.

didnt fit what i fantasized about the movie.

i thought it was some nice nice romantic movie.

eeesh.

i watched it half way and sis offed the lights

so i watched it in the dark and it was creepy.

and i offed the laptop half way.

so yah, gna continue later.

wanted to wake up at 9am to go gym?

and then when da smsed me this afternoon , i woke up.

like 150 pm.

GAWDDD IM SUCHA PIG.

i should die.

k yeah, supposed to meet him at 245pm.

so phew, i got up.

met up with him at JP.

we watched captain america.

yuck.

no interest. action movie, no interest.

except transformers.

omg so boring ): he was like soo cool!

and im like , T-T.

k so there's a second part to it where all the heros unite thingy.

sounds so primary sch. they join forces and all

and da cant wait cos it comes out next summer which is may.

but hey, there's THORRR

i cant wait ^^

lol, k bye.

There Are No Perfect Fathers But......

omg. watch this.
sis showed it to me.
i cried like hell. ):

You've got a friend in me.
you've got a friend in me.
when the road looks rough ahead.
and you're miles and miles from your warm nice bed.
just remember what your old pal said.
boy, you've got a friend in me.

you've got troubles, well i've got them too.
there isnt anything i would do for you.
we stick together and we see it through.


so touching.
woo randy newman!
rmb the penguin singing in toy story 2.
woo!

WJ: *gibberish*
me: shut up!
WJ : O: stupid.
me: O: bitch. ):
WJ: O::::::::::::

PWNED.
you know you love me, i know you care.
we're starting to act like friends, idk why.



crazy day today.
hah kidding.
presentation was...
umm idk? i felt like i presented exactly the same as i did the other day.
just that he didnt say i failed.
k . sad. yah. ikr. stage fright.
i swear i had it all memorised on what to say.
but when it was my turn everything went blank.


so anw, as i said i would.
i really went to find specs after that.
im gna permanently wear it, i hope.
i would. i must?
cos my degree's real bad and i feel so blind cos i keep missing buses and everything.
and i cant see in class.
and i cant watch teevee and movies properly.
its FILA.
whoa.
hahaha.
k whatever. as long as i wont be tempted to take it off
and wear contacts and throw my money in the trashcan.
ok , and mom made me eat vegetables for dinner .
so mean ):
as in , vegetables ONLY.
i felt like crying seriously.
and dad had all the meat and everything.
he finished all of it, leaving him with vegetables and he was like, see.. i also wad.
.________.
tried to lie my way out by telling mom im allergic to veges.
she told me i might as well be allergic to life.
WHO SAYS THAT ANW.
):



gna meet da tmr.
he wants to watch capt america.
dayummm. i thought over alr.
gna slp in theatre.
ah well~ too much time to burn anw.
going to work this sat.
back to GJ. where i belong. i hope.
and im going to msia with da after work.
staying there till like tues.
surprisingly dad allowed.
he said thats the last time, and i very much know he meant it.
ah well, treasure it then.
ok yep.
gna watch mooovies online i think.
or ima try read a book ltr.
vampire diaries so friggin boring . gawd~
i watched it for like 15 mins. thats it.




k buhbye.

Gaaaaaaawwwwwddd. Okay, takecare chleo :) grey loves you. im in school. Like damn awkward here. Wierd morning. Today's a bad day seriously. I set my alarm at 4am. Cos huijuan daren randy and i were meeting up at 6 to train to changi airport. Somehow the alarm didnt ring. $&/?!?/!! I woke up at 6.05 when huijuan called me. And i was like noooooooooo!!! And then i smsed randy. And i smsed chleo to tell her i wont be coming. And i was about to cry and everything and then daren smsed me. That he's still home. Then im like wth. So we decided to cab there. And i bathed in 20 mins. So proud of myself. Bt like hair messy for the whole day and everything. Shitttzzzz. :( fml. And ive got presentation at 9am. So like yeah we cabbed there and it was like 645. Crapped alot with daren. like after so long! omg. and like disturb with the british accent. hahahaha. missed those times man. And we arrived earlier than huijuan and the others. Of course, the cost was like 10 times more. So i have -3.50 for the whole week. Im doomed for sure. After presentation perhaps i'll go get my specs. Jeez. I hate specs. But no choice ah, eye sight terrible. At least i got to say bye to chleo. She'll be back in december, hope she does well there and does not come back with a china accent. ._. yeah loads of time today i think. Ah well~

so did you feel bad,
cos you are human and you're supposed to feel bad.
or was there still more to it, honestly?
if there isnt, maybe you should save it.
who am i to you, honestly?

HJ: i think i need to wake up at 4++am ! why cant we teleport >:[
me: taxi lah! same as teleport heehee
HJ: no! taxi got taxi uncle.
me : .___.

yep, she hasnt change abit.
okay, so i just figured out that as you're reading this blog,
my voice goes through your head.
cool huh!
my voiceee.
whoamygawd.
quite scary actually.
hoogahooogaayumyumdeedumdumbumbum woo.
okay, if you really read that with my voice ,
you were being stupid.
why would i say such a thing?
sheesh.

okay, so we're gna send chleo off tmr.
and im not gna be emotional lor, seriously.
high ego. very very high.
gta wake up at 4.
and my biological clock is more or less screwed.
so say i go to bed at 3 am like i've been doing for the past few days
and try catch some sleep and before i know it i'll be showering with cold water.

so ... i didnt know what to do last night and i couldnt slp.
ended up watching anime.
i know. I KNOW. CHUA XI YU and the word anime has no link,
at all.
but yeah.
not those anime anime~
like sad ones .. grave of the fireflies and all.
you should watch it.
watched it when i was p4 or smth.
tgt with laputa.
but yeah, somehow i got reminded of laputa
and so i watched the grave of the fireflies.
the kid so friggin cute , i swear i look like her.
*awkward silence*
umm.
so yeah.
rmb that tin can sweet thingy!
i used to love it.
daiso also got sell last time.
and i rmb i dropped into the water like 3 mins after i bought it.
i only ate one.
then rosalind was like, aiyaaa dont worry lah, the tincan waterproof.
confirm plus chop!
i believed her crap man.
lol. yeah that was the last time i ate that candy..
and i watched 10 promises to my dog.
for the 7th time alr.
hahahha i never cryy
okay i forward the part where the socks died can.
alright,
presentation tmr also.
/:
like scared oni.


dad's back !
and he ate my icecream.
._.
k bye.


nice guys finish last, that's why i treat you like trash.

right .

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!~
i think he's 51 this year.
i think.
gosh im not sure.
happy birthday anw!

phew.
pardon me for pouring out everything.
who am i pardoning anw.
its my damn blog.
my BFF hor.


really miss the times in BVMB.
really miss my long straight hair.
and da's frizzy bear hair. hahaha


went to zestwinds today.
wont even call it zestwinds.
like so little ppl oni.
wouldnt say i wasted my time ah.
at least i got to see huimei and mom(angeline)
i miss mom seriously.
havent even get to talk to her in at least 5 years.
you know im kidding.
ok make it 5 months. im serious.
the only time i get to see her is when she comes back to SPSB.
but she's like manly infront of the others.
and shes been clubbing and everything.
i dont want her to burn her liver.
): and everyone's calling her liqour boobs.
no more milk alr ]:
lol yuck.
and we had koi just now.
holy crap~ its so filling,
my mom( real) was like , bet you're hungry huh?
and im like, umm nope.
and she got angry.
wad did i do o.O



k so,
today's my dad's birthday.
and he's alone overseas.
feel so depressed.
this is like the first time he's spending his birthday alone.
and i will too. haha.
but yeah. and i texted him in the afternoon.
he was so happy.
and then he texted sis.
she was going swimming.
and she replied him, wad?
lol. she forgot.
think his heart broke like a gazillion pieces.
wanted to get him durian mooncake and put a candle.
stupid idea?
firstly who celebrates birthdays with a pathetically expensive mooncake.
and secondly its not the festival yet right?
aww mannn~
he's coming back tmr! yayy
oh wait damn, i wont have the house to myself.
its ok, i'll share, for a day.

home the entire day tmr
cos presentation got postponed.
dudee, whyy.
then i'll have to rush all the way from changi airport to SP.
that's a hell long ride.
im gna stone and die and cry and hug my huijuan to sleep.
): nooo.
k depressed mode on.

and my muscle aching from yst's tennis.
ahhhh.
hen tong hen tong.
can feel the my inproportionate arms.
and i hit myself on the head with the racket.
and i got thrashed by sis.

bye.

thanks, for the memories.
memories that never seemed to exist.
im not your plastic bag, or tissue.
doesnt matter if im bio-degradable or not.
you just treat me like trash, that's all.


important huh?
you told me i was important.
you know im gullible.
perhaps im the only asshole that will believe you.
you told me you'd always be there for me.
i believed that too.
you told me everything would stay the same no matter what.
i believed that, again.
and you promised.
till that very moment when you chucked me aside,
with no particular reason or warning,
i honestly, still believed in you.
well perhaps, till this very day.
you have no idea how much it hurt.
no idea at all.
bet you wouldnt even do that to any ordinary friend.
unless you treat her like trash, just like me aye?
you were the only one i trusted and believed in.
what am i to do now?
do you know how hard it is to get over it?

remember when we said, no one would understand?
and how we'd be there for each other no matter what happens,
and whenever?
i meant it. did you?
or did you do that just to cheer me up.
and that sucks.
and how worried i got for you.
you dont remember anything, do you?
i've never wanted anything, or any benefits from you when i was there.
just simple, for you never to abandon me like that again.
and there you go again.
how fragile can this be?
i dont even know what im doing anymore,
what im in for,
or what would happen.
this is the last time im ever using that word.
why would you do this to me?
what have i ever done to offend you.
i dislike you.





huh, stuffys.

I'm no different from you.


i thought it'd end.
like today, it would end.
you proved me wrong.
you've shown me how treasured i was.
and i appreciate that , alot.
i thought everything was gna end when you slammed that call on me.
yet, you texted me how much you remembered about what
i wanted for my birthday present,
to be with you.



okay, no more exams.
feel so wierd, now when i can finally get to sleep lika boss,
my bladdy biological clock just wont let me.
well, i woke up at 11am today.
stoned on my bed for an hour.
quite satisfied, yep.
gna play tennis with sis later, then gym.
like finally im getting my butt out of the house to exercise.
after like........ 5 months? iono.
k this hol im gna start heading back to the gym.
the gym will be my bestfriend,
not the microwave and ice cream.
hahaha.
._. i think..
crazy idea.
i feel so weak now.
like i get muscle aches easily, which sucks.


k so yesterday,
i really went back home to slp after exam ended.
like nap nap oni,
and met up with da in the afternoon.
we went to vivo to watch movie.
he wanted to watch capt america badly.
yuck, thank goodness the slot didnt fit.
so yeah, we watched the rise of the primate of the apes.
the phrasing like wrong?
but yeah, we watched that.
quite naisee
but tom felton bad guy again?
i didnt know he was in this movie.
so like they showed the orangutan, then they showed his face
then i was like OMGOMGOMGOOGMOMGG!
then da was looking at me at that point.
that he was like, wad? wad??
then i said, omg! malfoy!
and then they screened the other ape.
then he like, -.- siao.
after like 2 mins then he believe me.
so sad.
anw malfoy got disfigured when he died.
oh and he died ):
k i said that alr.
but yeah, he got killed by water and his zap zap thing.
so sad , ikr.
i thought he was gna say, POTTER.
when he was talking to the chimp.
and the chimp said, NOOOOOO.
k you should watch it.
the ending sucks tho.
da says there's a second part to it
and he guessed that the chimps gna take over the world cos all the humans will be infected and the aliens will attack the chimps.
nice try da.
._.
went to GJ hoping that either JH or rosalind would be there.
saw strange ppl i didnt know.
feel so wierd. ):
then we had dinner.
goldfish.
we forgot that yoshinoya was called yoshinoya.
so we went like,
k lets go eat. the rice bowl thingy with no one at that shop.
you know what im talking about right? yeah lets go.
i knew what he was talking about, suprisingly.

and btw.
my idk? 7th earpiece officially died on me yst.
19/08/11. RIP mr apple. earpiece.
yeah. so sad right.
my 3rd apple earpiece i've destroyed.
and the stupid skullcandy havent gimme the warranty thingy.
so yeah.
3 apple earpieces, a set of earphones, the orange earpiece da gave me on my 15th birthday,
the skull candy headphones he gave me on my 16th, and some cheapskate earpiece.
so .. he gave up on me.
i think.
he thinks i deliberately spoil stuff -.-
so i bought some cheapo 4 bucks earpiece .
it looks so cute omg.
suits me ^^
*vomits*
the sound system sucks ! ):
i cant stand bad sound systems.
i miss the skullcandy .

and sis that came back from manila a few days back,
went to KL today.
she book some budget flight.
then like woo! shopping ~ with jiashun.
which sucks.
cos she forgot about me.
ah whatever.
her uni's starting on tues.
hehheh sucker.
i own the house.

okay, going back to zestwind's tmr.
like alone only.
got huimei tho.
im gna pull mom(angeline) there.
trying to.
she wont budge ): so mean.

k bye.

freaking exams over, bt problems never seem to end.

dude, i tolerated.
i can really tolerate, alot.
but thrice? that's too much.
forget it , you're not worth it.
after all that self-convince kinda thing.
whatever .
quit being an asshole will you?
im trying to change here.


wish i was can food.
at least i'll know my expiry date..


gna rot at home for the whole of next week,
i swear i will rot for the whole day with my pjs still on.
and i will not brush my teeth.

k kidding.
i think.

OVERRRRRRRRRRR~

k nao im bored.
-.-

1 more paper!
needs most memorisation(if this word exists, if not then i just created it)
D:


today's paper was like..
umm. indescribable.
was happy EVERYTHING i studied came out.
but i remembered none of the points.
omg, im an empty vessel.
lol ikr.
its okay, logistics's over.
commercial shipping tmr.
then hols alrrrr.
oh wait , there's this make up presentation on mon.
cos we failed . haha. okay, i mean i failed.
told yer i got stage fright.
wai yu no believe me.
k then tues sending chleo off.
wed im a free bitch.
like till forever.
yessss.
sis dont wna lend me her dslr for korea.
so selfish ):

study for the last time until the next 2 months.
yay.
i think ah.
went to ngeeann city to find da yst.
k his performance not bad ah :D
wasnt as bad as he said it was.
so yeah.
saw julia omg.
she's got a bf.
whoa. haha.
rmb how she told me girls with boyfs are stupid
cos they end up crying -.-
wanted to go like, AHHHH HHAHHH!
but nah. haha.


oh and couple of days ago i talked to huivoon and pokes.
gna meet up during hols.
coffee chat with me pokes.
haha the same effect on caffeine.
im imune to it alr . teehee
thanks to going starbucks/mccafe everyday of my life in poly.
for like mocha or latte or espresso.
until i was broke for the concert.
its okay. wait till i go back GJ, i hope.
haha

k. feel like napping.
bet i wont wake up till 8pm.
lol.
dad's gone away alr.
hope he'll be back soon . ):
y'know wud, actully i dont really know what to do tmr after exam's over.
like perhaps go home like every other exam day.
but slp instead of study?
k that's the defination of loner folks.
hahaha.

okay bye.

pinipigpinipigpinipigpinipigppinipiggg

woohoo pinipig!
dont even know whos that.
but the pinipig's damn awesomee.
its like melt in the mouth baby powder.
i loike.

half of the ibm vids got uploaded on fb.
wooo! very highhh.
i can see myself.
like one dot -.-
k. can see myself throw salvia yay.
k bye. lol.
and i was like screamingggg just.
sis said the home very touching.
ikr, it made dad sing.
like whoa.
anw he's going away to sarawak again for work tmr.
like for 2 weeks again or smth.
we'll miss his birthday ):
today's ship ops wasnt so bad.
i didnt memorise by hard, but read through.
and still could answer questions...
until section D.
then i blur alr . ah well. 20 marks gone.
just wna pass, rmb?
oh yeah , the die fledermaus song when the alumni played.
i was backstagee. so cool.
rmb we were like taking pics, taking off our shoes.
lol. and like jumping around cos the song was catchy.
okay i was jumping around , which was stupid.
havent been happy in awhile.
gimme a break lady.

k so , fcs and logistics.
2 more days , 2 more papers!
going to watch da perform later .
his band's performance at ngeeann city.
im so tired tho.
ah well.
(:


k bye.


that polaroid on the 12th last month..

zhen me ban?


lol my mom told me to stop eating the european baguette.
i asked why.
she said cos she wna eat -.-
whoa mom, whoa.


exams are fine.
not perfect , but just fine.
ship ops tmr.
one of the most worrying subs .
just hope i scrape through it.
and fcs.
and logistics.
k thats everything left.
chleo's leaving in a week's time.
sis's coming back from manila tonight.
yay pinipig!


its no use telling anybody.
no one will understand.
and what about being here for me, always.
you told me not to worry.

holiday's in 3 days!
gna start working again, i think.
start saving for my trip next year.
bagpacking alone, or with my sis on my 18th.
if i do, im gna skydive.
save big bucks.
yeah right.
sis wna go china.
._.
i'd rather go alone.
one month away from home, whoa.
1 year.



just tell me you dont love me,
tell me you dont feel the same way that i do
tell me i dont make you smile like i do when i walk in the room
you're so, so hard to let go.
you've got your life, she'd better be treating you right.

first i tried running away from reality.
and then i ran away from the truth.
and i ran away from what i didnt want to hear.
and i ran away from my inner-self.
and i ran away from her.
and i ran away from him
and i ran away from both of you.


please, let this be over soon.
i have done nothing to offend you.
and well.
perhaps i may or may not deserve this.
but, what am i doing?
i dont understand myself either.

just, please.

just close your eyes,
even in your darkest nights.
i need you.


wish it was the old me.

stupid stupid stupid.
somehow i'll always embarass myself infront of you.
):
i always screw up.

im not kidding,
i look like this now.
feel so screwed.

cannot concentrate ahhh.
exams tmr alr /:
and yet im blogging.
haha 5 min.
so contradictive towards myself.
yawnn. feel restless.



omg look at poor froggy.
he no air alr.
rmb how it took like 3 big men and my sis
to blow him up .
like 4 years back.
time flies, gosh.
pls fly next week as well.
just fly past the exams
then holiday alr. teehee.
woohoo korea !
._.
dad wanted to go for a pig-nic this evening.
picnic for pigs . hahaha
k. the weather's not good.
and im not good.
so bye.


emo froggeh.

oh, why you look so sad?
Tears are in your eyes,
come on and come to me now..
dont be ashamed to cry
let me see you through
cos i've seen the dark side too

When the night falls on you
you dont know what to do
nothin you confess, could make me love you less.

i'll stand by you, i'll stand by you
wont let nobody hurt you.
i'll stand by you.

so if you're mad, get mad.
dont hold it all inside.
come on and talk to me now
hey what you got to hide?
i get angry too
well , im a lot like you.

when you're standing at the crossroads.
and dont know which path to choose
let me come along
cos even if you're wrong

Take me in your darkest hour,
and i'll never desert you
i'll stand by you

And when the night falls on you
you're feeling alone,
you wont be on your own.




i'll stand by you.
i swear.
upon my heart, not my toes.


in sis's room now.
she in manila slugging her arse off shopping
and i dont care.
i've got her airconditioned room.
wahaha.
feel so blissful
*spits*
her room is darn messy.
realised she didnt throw away her guitar so i decided to fool around with it.
its like a million times larger than benny
my fingers cant stretch through the frets to play the chords.
stupid stupid stupid.
its so low pitched and sexy tho.
like doooooooooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmm.
lol.
feel hyper cos i woke up at 2pm .
now it feels like 8pm.
haha.

k study.
no foolin' around.
k maybe 5 mins.
make it 12 .

k



like.. coincidence much????
daaayummnn.

My dear minghui (:


holy crap.
woke up at 2pm.
cos i forgot to set my alarm.
feels like 11am to me now hahaha.
havent slpt so late in at least 5 years.
k duh u know im bragging.
i dont feel right.



im gna get diabetes in approximately
24mins and 49 secs.
mixed 7-up with ribena. and ate chocolate
and had icecream yst.
awesome.
k dont miss me if i die tonight.
or later.




bye.


ohohoh. my gawd.
just realised i forgot to eat how the whole day yst.
i tot i ate when i went home.
lol.
goldfish.
no wonder my stomach burnt when i had icecream.
okay....
that was dumb.

I BELIEVE IN MUSIC.


okay, its past 12am alr.
but im still gna blog bout my day.
so,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!
just realise how old she is alr.
gna treasure all the time i have with my mom.
(:
me and wenjun gave her a present today.
it was a pen, with dearest mom, carved on it.
wj gave it to her.
i forgot to tell her we shared the present.
lol mom felt so flattered to have a ''son'' -.-


OKAY!
IBM is finally over!
i would say it was a great success.
screw-ups here and there.
but still enjoyed ourselves big time.
with special thanks to the ones who came for the sake of me,
for their fullest support.
besides stonning, or snoring (dad-.-) , or telling me it was friggin boring except the kpop.
sheesh.
thanks a million anw.
Mom, Dad , Sis, Wenjun, Han, Sean, Teckwee, Junhao and rosalind.
i love you all eh ! (:


the day began real bad.
like sleepy and everything cos we ended late the previous night.
oh and check this out!
this is IBM 27.
2 years back,
when i went to support angeline for her ibm.
cant believe i would actually perform in this IBM itself.
so amazed!

2009.





2011.

POH-LAH-ROIDS.

da, han, tw and sean .



junhao and rosalind (:
wahlao. they're the best lor.
interval thought can find them and catchup.
they ran to macdonalds before i could even catch them-.-
nvrm.
nevertheless we still got to take a pic!


failure.

da. (:

think this is the best polaroid eh.

sorry han, not cos u're in it

it just looks nice.

hor?
thick skinned.can imagine wad she'll say.
'aww,you know you love me'
eww

dad mom and sis

woo hoo we all same height.
sis said dad really enjoyed the 'home' piece.
haha so cute!

everyone

sean pushed han away i think.

so yeah, he's looking away

and han's perfectly hidden behind my dad.
hahahaa.
with credits to sathia.
some pri sch friend i just saw and grabbed him to help us take.
this was incredibly small-.-
still have to thank him ah :)

okay so yep, was trying to look out for everyone.

but the lighting made it so that only the audience could see us

and we couldnt see them.

which was damn awesome.

because i had ZEROO stage fright.

everrr.

so nice.

yeah and han told me they attempted to shout for my name

ended up shouting for nobody named john-.-

k that was stupid.

i dont know themm~

encore piece was fun.

played KPOP medley, then played 'Home'

the national day song.

glad everyone enjoyed it.

as much as the fun we had on stage.

back stage. etcetcetc.

this is th best performance i've ever had

wooo

okay, so after the performance
went to have supper at mac's with tw sean and da

i ate icecream.

i swear my stomach burnt like crap.

ouch. ):

missed the last bus so we ended up cabbing
overall, today was friggin memorable.

gna rmb this like forever.

year 1 band was good too!

amazing
alright,back to reality again.

shit.
exams next week.

gta work hard hor xiyu.
k im talking to myself again.
this is stupid.

of everyone, i was waiting for you to wish me.

to at least tell me you'd hope the best for me today.

i would've even bothered for some small gened presentation to wish you.

and yet..

how is that important?

how could you have told me im actually important.

when you just suddenly disappear from my life without telling me.

if you could do that, it doesnt make me anymuch important, at all.

i believed in you.i believed in every little thing you told me.

it was just a matter of days and everything faded, like that.

its not being fair to me.

life's just so materialistic and selfish at times.

if i was important at all, you wouldnt have chucked me aside

Ahhhhh im tired. Friggin tired tired tired. So sleeeeppppy. And awfully scared for later. I dont wna screw up. ): rushing home at 430pm ltr. Hope i'll make it back on time yaw. And this lollipop sucks. Vanilla flavour. The worst lolly ever i swear. K. Im awake hor. Concentraaateeeee. LOA at 1130 teehee. Bye

Macaulay Calkin's rmb?
i miss my pokes so much ):
this is so retarded.









didnt go to polymarina today.
had migraines in the morning, i couldnt get up.
feel so bad /:
im a weakling .
hope it doesnt happen tmr.
its THE big day!
sis cant make, cos she's going manila .
feel so disappointed.
like the people that i want to come wont be coming.
ah its ok. at least i sold tickets.
and han sean tw and da are coming.
bet the 4 of them will be bored to death.
and sean will start singing or smth -.-
and my dad might be coming.
like might.
he was like yeah, if i rmb or end work not late.
so demoralising..
okay okay, and jh and rosalind's going too (:
feel bad for her, cos she say she'll break fast and eat in my concert -.-
so sweet of them to comeeee
wished rum would be there too .






okay! so having our last rehearsal at the SPCC ltr.
first time performing there.
mountain tortoise.
k nvrm.
im a suaku at everything.
headaches go away~
hen tong.
):

and today's weiying's birthday!

happy 17th birthday!

not like she will see this.

but yeah, so touching.

this is the 10th year im wishing her since p1.

tho we dont meet up anymore ):

but yeah. still wishing her all the best yo

okay , go study first.


bai.

30 more hours!

im tired.
bloody tired.

anw, woke up early for nth today.
stupid presentation was postponed till like 1pm?
from 9am.
naise.
wasted my time ()*)(#(*#@*#@
staying in school now, band's at 630pm.
yep.




just hold it there lady, hold it.
everything's changed alr.
im so useless.


):

i've been so ignorant.
so ignorant about everything in my life.

kept wondering since young,
why every single one of my friends had family probs except me.
felt so fortunate and everything.
turns out its just because im stupid.
i've been so naive .
didnt even know how many problems my family had.
till today.
im like 16 going 17.
and today's the day i found out.
dont know things why turned so sour suddenly.
or was it that i finally got a clearer image of it
im so stupid damn it.
hate it when people hide things from me.
my family.
nice life huh.


starting to miss the past so much.
i miss grandma.
i miss her so damn much.
things were so much better back then.
and i'd blog bout how happy i was if we had a family gathering.
blog about her soft wrinkled skin and everything.
omg.. why.

dont want these to happen.
see told you..
exam period and everything will crash.
logis presentation tmr.
idk.
no stage fright please, no stage fright.
*cross fingers*

ok bye

LOOL.


i wanted to google the diff between 2 and 4 stroke engines.
somehow it googled diff between men and women.

ok, so men have greater upper body stength .
liar.




i'll prove google wrong hor.


gna have family gathering later.
umm, yay.
after months.
gna be super awkward with my cousins , as usual.
yay.

i feel so enthusiastic.
first time i woke up so early on a holiday.
no more boss alr.
and no more inspection.
so yep.
sticking my butt to the chair till i get piles.
eww no.

okay bye.

omg sis planning to buy a golden retriever for her own birthday.
firstly who buys presents for themselves.
secondly, i think my mom and other sis will move out.
thirdly, i want one too. but cant afford to takecare of it.
omg. imagine another fat ass snoring in the house.
k the dog aint gna be fat. i think.
and im gna name it sparkles or stinkee.
or gay(ii)
hmm. crap. noooo.
i dont want a dog.
so tempting to support sis.
i think elder sis will die.

Our wild little adventure.

haha a lil crazy today.

and had a lil bit too much fun.

and overshot a lil bit of time
but i'll make up for it.

hahas.

so yepp.

met da .

and we went to suntec to for kenny rogers.

saw this guy that used to work at sheraton towers.

he forgot me alr. ah whatever.
ok i had my mac and cheese.

happy alr. haha.

eh c'mon . this is the non-microwaved wan.

hmm. so yeah, head back home

cos i need to study.

exams next week ah.

so sweet of him to understand (:

he decided to drive me home.

omg.

so friggin scared can.

cos da hogged his mom's yellow beetle to drive to spore yst.

so unrealistic.
okay, so we fooled around before sending me home.

and those were the pictures.

so wierd.
we were like laughing and everything at the traffic light.

then this guy in the other car stare at us.

like we're illegal peeps or smth.

had lots of fun.

hahas

he say he look like citycab taxi driver -.-

school sucked anw.
who cares.

i've got reese's peanut buttercups :P

byebyee.

Courage doesnt always come in a roar.
Sometimes its just a quiet voice at the end of the day saying,
i'll try harder tomorrow.

Its about waiting for the storms to pass,
and then dance in the rain.
*hoogaa*
I'll laugh when i can,
apologise when i should,
and let go when i cant change things.
Whats the point in holding on to you?



Yattaaaaaaaa.
Gened presentation is oveeerrr.
As usual ah, stage fright.
I get it all the time.
In band, in class.
Rmb my legs were jelly at last year's speech day solo.
Embrassing ttm.

Oh anw, blogging via itouch.
For the first time. So coooooll.
Going out with da later for dinner.
Just for awhile, i promise. I need to study. I need to study. I want to study. I love study.
Hoogaa hoogaa. *chanttsss*

haha wth rosalind.
I feel so influential.
K bye.

fail

fail

fail

lol.
out with mah gurlfriend todayy.

we went to ikea.

to study.
no link between ikea and study.

but yeah. we did.
omg. so proud of you rosalind.

we studied.

nice environment wad.
our usual hangout last time and everything.

bitching about guys, and all nonsensical stuff .

quite restless after a while,

and we started listening to metal songs .
and i drank 3 cups of coffeh and a cup of tea.

Who the fuck are you?

Who the fuck do you think you are?!
You betrayed me this whole fucking time

im the baddest mother fucker in the building
so remember when its time to get my revenge
i will find your fucking bitch

hahaha wth.

k yeah, that's wad we were listening to.

went damn hyper.

and we took the bus home.
had great fun talking to her,

and stealing her shoes

and everything.

haha k bye.

sch tmr
study study

macam baik, lagi habis.

right?
part of life.

i give up.



fuck everything else.
what the hell did i do to deserve this.

im okay :)


stupid life.
stupid everything.
wished i'd be ignorant idiot,
ignoring all the unhappiness going on.
just smiling like an idiot.
letting people step on me like an idiot and i wont mind.
just being an idiot.


went to study with minghui at school today.
productive. something.
idk.
my mind's so blank.
i didnt even make a sound.
perhaps its considered productive,
and i liked it.
not sure if i've absorbed tho.
its like deja vu.
or its just life,
that every exam period i'll have to go through this.
over again.

and yeah , ok im just gna yak and yak the same thing over again.
so wtvs lah.
leave it.
study hor, study.
gna use mr lam's method.
I LOVE STUDYING ! :D



):

wtvs.

okay, so syafiq's leaving for dubai.
see i told you, everyone's leaving.
bitch life.


anw, this was taken in sec3, during speech day.
before everything went wrong.

so ..


really gna miss the times we had tgt with everyone no matter what.
the times in band, from sec1 till 4.
rmb i went to euphonium section to help out for syf'07.
this guy was far shorter than me , i swear.
he was lika dwarf or smth.
we were like the youngest and most treasured then.
how nice.

and how special we felt to be the only sec1s going to syf.
and we moved on and on,
and 3e2/4e2.
well you've changed.

so what? it doesnt matter anymore.
at least we had good memories of us being the best of friends.
and crapping about everything.

so i'll wish u the best in everything ahead.
:)


bye syafiq.

do what you feel in your heart to be right.
for you'll be criticized anyway.
you'll be damned if you do, and damned if you dont.

-eleanor roosevelt




the past behind us looks so much better than it is now..
it looks so pleasant cos it isnt present anymore.


i want it back.
i really do.


suddenly im calm ,
and everything starts settling in.
for a clearer picture of reality.

bitch life.
)':


/edit.

i dont believe you anymore.
hate my life.

why me?

'you okay?'
'yep im good, most definately'
'you sure?'
'yeah i swear upon my toes.'




ouch. it really did hurt.
this was before poly started.
the day i got my lappie.
and went to da's house.
freak.
ah i miss my long hair.




Happiness is a journey,
not a destination.





finally saw through things today.
like yeah.
saw you at lunch.
it's really watching you from afar.
was so afraid to look.
saw your smile.
with your special someone.
a smile i'd never get to see when you're with me.
it was bitter sweet.
partially happy for you , yet heartwrenching.

let go xiyu, let go.

typical gloomy day at school.
i skipped sectionals today.
im not feeling well /:
for some reason or another,
i got caught in the rain yst.
on the way to polymarina.
and got badly caught in the rain otw home.
nice luck huh.
like.. it doesnt rain doesnt rain.
once i get off the bus it pours like *(&@(*#*#@!!
it happened on both times. from and back home.
gots bad headache and flu.
what's the world coming to now.
so anw, they're playing elcam and celtic today.
so.. yep.

i wore the ibm shirt today!
felt so proud.
but the first thing someone ever said to me was
believe in music.. tch. hahahaha.
then im like -___- my day's ruined.
forget it.
abit too big tho.
who cares.
ahh , now i have to worry about my poor sammy ):
i forgot to lock him, hope no one uses him.
my poor boy.
so friggin worried.


oh yeah,
had fruit juice today.
like, awesome fruitjuice.
the same honeydew milkshake i had yst well.
haha, i had the same thing today.
bet minghui's so proud of me.
haha
i swear im going back like everyday.
ok fine, not everyday.
i take the swear back.

eh rmb my old blog url?
it used to be dagalwif-a-brokensmile.bs
i think i need that url more now.
ah forget it,
lazy to change everything.
it's called being sentimental.

k , bye.


hate days like this.
hate it when it becomes like that.

oh yeah,
i spent my whole month's allowance alr
on ibm shirts ibm tickets band tee ibm tie ibm attire.
apparently im left with 20 cents for this week,
and 1.20 for next week.
20 cents per day.
._.


strong people know how to keep their life in order.
even with tears in their eyes,
they still manage to say ''im ok'',
with a smile.
and perhaps, swear upon their toes.

yarp, not botak alr.

you'll never realise it exists until it's gone.

dont drown the man who taught you to swim.

if u love somebody, set him free
if he returns, he was always yours.
if he doesnt, he was never.

back from poly marina.

tired max.

4 hours of theory is a no no.

so friggin restless,

i stole 5 chewing gums from luozi.

very naiseeee.

having band later.

i will.

i will dare to look at you.

anw, talked to daren on msn yst.

like after 1/2 a year?

more than that.

talked about sec2.

awesome times.

and how tall i was.

ok not really.

i mean, me him and hannan were of the same height.

from sec1 till sec2 june.

we grew at the same rate. so amazing!

then sum ting wong.

after we came back from hols they were like tall.

):

and nw he's like 170?

ah whatever. stop growing alr . thanks.

meeting rosalind this weekend again!

gna pass her IBM tix.

and break fast with her i guess.

and do stuff. teehee.

just wna come up to you ):

with no limits..

Broken this fragile thing now,
and i cant, i cant pick up the pieces.
and i've thrown my words around
but i cant, i cant give you a reason.

I feel so broken up,
and i give up
Just wanna tell you so you know

Here i go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you.
you are my only one,
i let go, but there's just no one who gets me like you do
you are my only , my only one

Made my mistakes , let you down.
And i cant, i cant hold on for too long.
Ran my whole life in the ground.
and i cant, i cant get up when you're gone.

but something's breaking up ,
i feel like giving up
I wont walk out until you know.

Here i go, so dishonestly
and leave a note, for you my only one.
And i know, you cant see right through me
so let me go, and u will find someone


still the best song ever.
this is so sec2. seriously.
the period where i started walking home from wm everyday.
sometimes with daren .
and we'd share songs like this.
and like, umm. click5 songs.
the kidnap my heart thing.
and taylor swift , and sean kingston.
omg so childish.
and yeah, this is the best song.
the hardcore drummer.
step emo ah.
stopped listening to the normal one.
the acoustic's better ah,
seemed to stop listening to noisy and screamy songs alr.

k , so .
it's wednesday.
my fav weekday besides friday.
okay how many weekdays only. idiot.
cos im the boss at home.
sleep , eat, scream, walk lika boss.
seems like im not the only boss today.
second sis's at home.
she quit her scrub nurse at SGH alr.
gna continue studying her degree.
which starts this month.
which meannnss.. she'll graduate the same year as me.
just that i'll be the only loser at home without the square hat.
naise life.
woke up rather early today.
some idiot woke me up at 10.
i got the eyeliner effect alr.
the never slp for 10 years look.
my eyes are so o_____o now.
and my eyelashes keeps dropping.
da says its cos someone misses you.
at this rate my eyes will be bald soon.


k im gna study.
i mean it.
okay, maybe in 30 mins.
make it 35.



i stand alone below,
lingering by my secret rainbow.

i'll be your guardian angel.
pinky promise.


i tried to paint you a picture,
the colours were all wrong.
black and white didnt fit you
and all along.

That i could tear u apart,
but it will break
anything that you are
you are.

We wont say our goodbyes,
you know its better that way
we wont break, we wont die
its just a moment of change.



i dont know what to say.
countless of stuffs going on.
i cant even name them now.
the list goes on and on.

cried for the time when it felt like u were almost mine,
cried for the memories we left behind
cried for the pain, the lost.
the old and new.
and the times i thought of you,
thinking you'd never do the same.
the thought of even us returning back to
the exam period still gives me the chills.
i dont want it..
):


if you're lost , u can look
and you will find me,
time after time.
if you fall i will catch you,
i will be waiting,
time after time.
suitcase of memories,
almost left behind.


i dont even know what to think now.
uh.


k had school today.
i didnt like it.
ok so after school i had an hour break b4 band.
met up with da.
we were supposed to eat mcdonalds creme bruele.
i won in the end, we went to swensens
and spent 10x the price.
teehee.
okay at least i got to meet him (:

k so i got my IBM shirt today.
woohooooo.
its so naise.
bt too big ah.
haha, shall be a walking advert on fri.
(:
anw yeah, to make things worse
someone knocked over sammy's case today.
when band ended.
like, knocked it over. with my poor baby inside.
omg my heart hurt so bad.
:(



you said i've changed.
i honestly didnt realise it
till u showed me the messages i sent months back.
am i that different?
i didnt even recognise that those were sent by me.
i thought this is better, isnt it?
its not that i dont care anymore.
just became less expressive on everything.


and ...
chleo's leaving.
my chleo's leaving to study at cambridge.
im like the last person on earth to ever know.
she forgot about me omg.
its like 21 more days..
i wished she wouldnt leave.
didnt even get to see her
since huijuan's birthday.
):



still wna look into your eyes,
and see through each other
by the window thingy.
whatever you call it woman.
i never seem to rmb.

you're my secret rainbow.

huh ?
why is everyone buying a uke now.
benny's not limited anymore :(
its okay, i'll find him a gf.
hehhehheh.

my heart just died.


it never ever hurt that much before.
i never felt so broken in my entire life.
never so humiliated.

1. to be or act as a prosititute
2. (of a man)to have promiscious sexual relations, esp with prostitutes
-(often foll by after) to seek that which is immoral, idolatrous etc.

which?


rmb i once told you,
if i can no longer get close to you someday,
i'd still watch and look upon u from afar.
well that's it. it's time.


that's when i find it hard to hold back the tears.
limit to one's patience yeah?
im tired. really tired.
i've been stupid and selfish and everything.
i admit it, okay?
please, just stop .
i knew God wouldnt give me anything i cant handle,
i just wished he didnt trust me so much.
i dont deserve any of these.
neither do i deserve to be trusted.
i dont know if its either im getting better,
or im just already getting used to the pain.
so what if there's this chemistry between us.
it will get colder, and the darkness will consume upon me.
i just hope someday you'll actually care about me.

im just screwing up everything, everything.
maybe im a born-loser.
i really do feel angry now,
i really do.
i cant seem to express it like how i did last time.
no one seems to care anw.

rmb when i told u i wanted u to be the first one to hear benny?
and u were the first whom i saw the supposedly ''sunset'' with.
and the only one whom i feel so myself when im with.

perhaps it was never meant to be.
i thought u meant,
untag those memories.


stupid camp.