HOLY CRAP! MY 800th post ! :D



just happened to see 799.
so cute.
k.
wierd day today.
i mean i was so pissed at first.
and then now im okay.


k woke up to pack house and study.
and then got distracted and watched AFV.
so cute.
and then like sis was at home.
so just studied till like 2 plus 3.
and my came home.
and da came over to my house.
i cooked for him and accidentally added too much ham in his pasta
and my pasta like nothing. so sad right
nvrm i ended up stealing his. just a teensy bit.
and then my mom made him ribena and then ribena finished.
so unfair.
ya k. so i studied abit more.
and he gamed.
he showed me his awesome laptop.
not.
eesh. so big and heavy.
he put it in the bag.
and y'know what? it's as heavy as sammy i swear.
damn heavy uh.
stupid gaming laptop.
he and his awesome graphics and blah da blah da.
okay and then halfway he realised he had assignments.
hehhehhehh so much for slacking.
i think he skipped it.
okay, and anw.
my mom cooked dinner.
and she asked me to take a lil bit for him.
so i did.
he ended up eating 2 bowls.
ass.

and then i sent him down to the car.
and when i came out my dinner was gone.
cos my mom thought i ate alr.
very naise.
im so sad.


okay , so much so studying.
i feel like i havent got enough time.
dad's having bbq on friday night.
and da's coming over.
and han ( YAY) , jx and tw i think.
so i wont be studying
and da's staying over, cos we've got bv's concert on sat.
so not prepared /: i hope i'll side read fine.
HOLY crap.
and we're wearing like.. jeans.
then okay lorss.


ya k.
friday got IT and stats exam.
scareddddd.
and stats like 8-10am , IT 415-545. jeez
i'll try to rush back to bv inbetween.
but i scared i rush, then i forgot all the sums and formulas.
well, thats me.
wad ta dooo.
):
i tryyy.


k bye.

Vintage Lady Gaga Live at NYU - Captivated & Electric Kiss

omg the old lady gaga (':

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.



so tired . T-T
woke up at 845am.
cos dad bought breakfast.
and he like make alooooot of noise.
and my mom like shout from the other end of the house to him.
'' no lahh, she wont wake up so early wan!!!''
and i woke up. thanks mom.


k. feel real tired cos i slept late last night.
last night da went out with sean and the others.
he had to drive home, and stopped by my house.
so sweet. he bought rockmelon milk.
like eww. but okay lah.
and i got him vanilla oreo.
personally think it sucks.
but he likes it. bad taste. ikr.
grumbly naggy guy.
just because sean scratched him a wee bit,
he kept complaining about how it hurts.
gay boi.


I FEEL SO SLEEPY.
need to mug.
oh , and going to grandpa's house later for dinner.
its his birthday.
their birthdays are pretty confusing.
they sorta go according to the chinese calendar.
so last year it was decemeber.
now its november. and it changes every year.
wonder who's the ass that created the chinese calendar according to the moon.
jeez.
k no answers.
i feel so confused anw.
cos i cant really communicate with my grandparents on my mom's side.
i dont even know if i should say happy birthday or not.
im so confused. and sleepy.


just figured out gened presentation's tmr.
holy. im freaking out.
and yawning.


k bye.

VIOLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
finally completed le gened proj.
like loner project.
do ALONE.
present ALONE.
so sad right?
ikr.
and im going to die alone.
hope stage fright gets better?
(:



okay i woke up quite early around 10am today.
hahaha.
k. stomach still not feeling so well.
not going to risk puking in the band room.
or in my trumpet sammy.
EWW! the thought of it makes me wna puke.
ironic much?
kkkkkk. anw. i had a nightmare.
i dont know whats wrong with me these days.
its the same cycle.
i cant seem to sleep till after 2 hours on the bed.
and then i'll have a freaking scary nightmare.
and i'll suddenly wake up.
and then i'll rmb the nightmare for the rest of the day.
like 5 days already?

yesterday night, my cat died.
in the dream.
i dont have a cat! like so real. and scary.
i can cry.
i love pets.
but i dont think im going to keep one.
cant bear them leaving me after like 10 years.
i should just keep a turtle.
can like be at my deathbed and stuff.
and can highfive him everyday.
FLIPPPPERRS~ k thats the only thing he will do.
eesh.


ahhhhh k so scary.
im like traumatised.
badly.
lol. talked to sean on twitter this afternoon.
finally we get to talk.
okay we're all going to meet on christmas and new year's day.
im going to book han for new year I DONT CARE.
dont care if it makes her lil cousin cry or smth.
im stealing her.
on the second thought, her birthday will be the day after.
awwmannnn!! so thickskin eh she. i know.
hahaha.

k gened on monday.
like freaking out already.
and its stupid.
presentation at 830, 1030am lesson cancelled.
so the 4 of us got nth to do from 9-1230.
wth? maybe i should go home.
hhaha crazy. but maybe :P


k bye

k im going to bed soon.


wild day today.
okay i officially know the roads of spore now.
so proud of myself.
errhmm.


so.. da came at like 2 plus?
like 1.5 hours late. asshole.
and we went to expo.
we went to eat.
and i wasnt feeling well.
sumtingwong.
yeah and i puked like twice.

and like there was jam.
like big big jam outside expo and he was bored.
like started pillowfight again in the car.
and then we were really bored.
it took us like 1 hour just to get into the parking area.
and we started shouting for fun.
idk, typical him.
but i joined in, surprisingly.
cos no one could hear us.
then keep shouting WHATTTT!!!!
best way of venting frustration.
and i lead the way k.
im so awesome.
i showed him the way from bukitbatok to expo.
ok we went the wrong road once. but there was a u-turn so i still rock.


k we walked around to look for his dumb laptop for like forever.
seriously.
walk to alienware, then asus then vomit then asus , then asus again then alienware.
alienware's design of laptops seriously damn nice.
i loike. like seriously. look damn cool.
but that naggy biatch like, should i???????? or should i not???????
._. whatever man. get over it.
ended up getting the asus one.
i think its nice.
some gaming republic thing, like so naisee.
and so many freebeeess.
i felt so jealous honestly.
i dont freaking game, neither does he.
but im jealous he has a new toy.
lol idc im hogging it yaw.
and he was like shouldddddd iiiiiiiiiiiii?????????????????? huhhhhhhhhhh
and the asus person got pissed i think.
and she said, she she upgrade the ram to 12gb for free.
WTH MAN . WTH.
where's the justice and love in this world?!?!

k and he brought the money.
in cash.
hahaha. like cute. but wierd.
he asked me to take the money out.
and im like
'ummm okay, so here's one thousand, two thousand...''
like idiot. but i felt cash rich.
haha bunkering. get it? GET IT???!? nvrm.
yeah. so he got his laptop.
like 15.6 inch and 3.5kg?
hope he has fun ah.
like real fun until he doesnt want to meet me.
asshole.
at least we'll have msn now. FINALLY.
it was like 6pm alr

k and im really not feeling well.


WAIIIIIITTTTTTTTTT that's not it.
we went from expo, PIE, to somewhere somewhere and then reached suntec.
phew. so scary. like go wrong place once.
cos i lead him towards changi airport direction.
hahahaaa. k blur.
and we watch BREAKING DAWN.
BREAKING DAWN YAWWW.
yeah i like that movie.
so what if they sparkle.
harry potter still best, but twilight's great too.
yeah the movie like damn awesome but i was freezing max in the theatre
my teeth kept chattering and da said shhh.
bitch.
and yeah, its kinda gruesome.
but im okay with it.
unlike some gay.
oh lawd.

k and then drove home.
went the wrong way again.
we went towards changi airport. AGAIN.
hahahahaaa.


crazy day, but i had fun.
despite being friggin impatient with my guy that acts more like a gf when making decisions.
its the same everywhere.
like if he needs to go shop for clothes, i swear i'll die.
really.


okay g2g slp now.
really not feeling well.
stomach burns.
i puked everything and now i feel HUNGREYY.
c'mon tummeh, its 12.05am.


sleeeep.

im homeeee.
so early.
k i swear i'll do some work before heading out.
k promise.
*hooks pinkie*


anw..
went to school for stats
not much work.
and thennnnnn.
yiyan went to book her ticket on sistic for the FTisland thingy.
sheesh. kpop fanatics.
imagine $201.20 gone like that.
thats like my entire life savings.
uhh.
no, i mean it. really.
cos her dad's card couldnt go through.
so she borrowed my visa.
now left $2.33.
naise. i broke my record.
hahahaa!
but yeah. she's so nice anw (:


okay, so im going out with da later.
he's driving to spore later.
and we're going to expo for the ITshow to get his laptop.
and i , will personally dump his 6year laptop.
seriously, 6 years?! thats like older than me.
ikr ~
okay and he's driving there.
i wna drive.
hehheh. umm kidding.
yeah. so we're going there.
to expo.
by car.
without knowing directions.
eh c'mon i have the sporean instinct k.
i know go by PIE.
and yeah..
we'll get there in one piece.



okay then.
bye

im home (:
like a bosssss.


okay , today only had lessons for port ops.
free period for econs.
haha i sound like sec4.
aww i miss sec4.
yeah whatever.


anw, went back to BVMB yst.
i think it was kinda fun eh.
haha. exchange with mayflower.
and i like, dont know what's going on.
just side reading everything.
and well.. turns out okay.
they're like gna play baby by justin bieber omg.
OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.
omo omo!
haha when mayflower played for us and oli like WHOOAA YAYYYYY!
and jaron says its stupid and stuff.
he say justinbieber's gay.
stupid jJaron, he's gayer.
haha back to the old times where we used to bully him, big time.
esp yuai. and me and oli laugh like nobody's business.
really miss the good old times.
well, at least we've got this opportunity to perform together . (:
the last practice is on fri.
AND LIKE CRAP I HAVE IT AND STATS EXAM.
im screwed ):
first time side reading on stage, actually performance.
imagine i screw up and start laughing.
lol. k crap.
OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

k plus, i havent started on gened presentation?
nice much. seriously.
people are like, oh phew, presentation's over.
i havent even had mine prepared.
ahhhhhhhhhh.
and like study?
i dont know where to start.

AND WAIT.


BREAKING DAWN IS OUT BABBEHHH.
gna watch it tmr with da.
gay boi.
eh oh and jJaron gave me and oli a carebear each.
so sweet right?
then gay boi jealous.
he made me promise him not to put the carebear by my bedside.
so mean right?!?!
and yst, he drove back to msia.
he stopped by my house , and i passed teddy to him.
like teddy.
THE BIG FAT ENORMOUS BEAR.
i wanted to put him in the passenger seat with safety belt.
beside the driver. fail max.
so cute right? but he could fit.
i mean he did. but his arms were too fat, it blocked the gear box.
so well.. ended up throwing him at the back.
poor teddy.
and gayboi will return it on fri.
i swear i felt so wierd sleeping without that fat bear.
really. felt so empty. hohho i miss teddy alr ):
we are inseperable , and meant for each other.
yuck not really. just that he hogs my bed.


umm and one last thing,
my right hand's swollen.
like pau. its so hard to write cos it hurts
y'know what danielle told me?
she said i need to bang the swollen part once in a while and it will get better.
hahaha! she's so funneyy
probably experienced enough , after her karate sprains and swells.
okay yah, its swollen, very obvious.
but yeah. dont ask.

sis said use a warm towel.
mom said dip my hand in ice.
ummm.
sounds prettyyy... logical.


I WNA WATCH BREAKING DAWN.
k bye.

yeah.
i dont believe you?
perhaps i really smth really did happen inbetween my choices.
once again i've been proven, wrong.



i got it nailed right?
i was totally right about you.
heartbreaking freak.
honestly? the what did i do wrong reverse psychology thing no longer works on me.
so what is it? my fault?
my freaking fault that i feel broken.
like, oh yeah. i pissed myself off huh.


i mean, if were you , how'd you react?
c'mon man.
call yourself a guy.
i feel manlier than you.


and for someone whom broke my year record of prolly not using the f-word?
shows that prolly you're really something .



FUCK.


heartbreaker. really.
you dont know nothing bout caring.
you dont know nothing about waiting for someone's call for like forever.
you dont know how it hurts.
and you dont care.


three words k.
lust, not love.

violence; a sign of pregnancy.




feeling kind of moody today.
now and then that nostalgic feeling just hits me randomly.
kinda sucks to be me.


school was fine.
really fine.
like smooth and everything.
still that moodiness.
but yeah. i was able to absorb today.
a lil late or smth?
had the chance to skip gened today .



been trying to study for the past few days.
not so productive it seems.
i mean its not like i didnt try. and i wouldnt said i tried actually.
too many distractions and thoughts.
nothing is going to affect my MST this time. like for the first time.
but okay, i tried studying.
the information goes in for 5 mins.
and im like, UH HUH UH HUHHHHHHHH
and then it comes out after i get distracted with music or the net.
i feel like a puppy. y'know how they get distracted.
its just that im older, and well, im not a dog -.-


k. im just waiting for this eureka moment or smth to just suddenly appear.
great.
eureka moment please hurry.
im left with exactly 13 days.
screw it.
plus the bvmb performance thingy.
holy crap.




andd...


VOIIIILLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
nah kidding.
no moment yet.



wish i could just tell my parents,
hey im just not cut out for studying.
let me rot my whole life.
hahha. chey no.
i love studying !
._____________________________.

byebye

yawnnn. im like up so early.


just got the message that band's changed.
to tmr(monday) and saturday.
sounds awesome to me .
okay wait actually no eh.
the monday blues kinda thing.
and like there's school at 8am the next day.
wthhh.
its like a self-own moment.
i was smiling to myself a minute ago.
gna message minghui.
OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.


lol, k parents are coming back today.
in the evening.
naiseeee.
hope they buy nanonano and my life will be complete.



im like hyper nao.
someboddeeee help mee.
kinda prepared for monday blues alr actually.
since time just gets faster and faster. damn it
oh and btw, i dont have to go gen-ed tmr {:<
yayyy. cos my presentation's the following week and crap, i havent prepared a single crap.
save me yaw.
k im gna start.




bye .

LOL much?
i just realised biyu posted the melcamp day4 long ago.
and its my first time viewing it today.


doesnt really mean anything anymore.
i guess this picture really describes what's left of me.
rmb they were like OMG WHY YOU SIT ON THE FLOOR.
eeeee so dirty. i think its nice.
didnt regret sitting in the middle of no where to take this.
i'd lie down if there were others who would do the same.
haha


decided not to go for band tmr.
or at least for the next few weeks to concentrate on studies
plus , not helping them to perform for the 3rd dec concert.
im helping bukitview alr anw.
if not i'll be going band on tues wed thurs fri and sun.
doesnt sound like i will have a life.


parents just called just now.
like my dad call me and ask if im alright.
of course im alright.
i took a bath and they called, and they thought i died.
the picture fits perfectly-.-
and like he talk finish, pass the phone to my mom
and she's like take care , have a good night.
it felt sweet.
but they're only gone for a night.
omg. my parents.
hahaha.



sis's dumbass-ness II :
''hello? are you going out later??? i dont have key''
duddddddddddde. it's 1030pm. im not you, i wouldnt be out only now.
and she called to the house phone , again.
sum ting wong.
plus, she says she's at PS gloria jeans.
i miss the scones dearly.
but rmb the last time me and rosa ate it, it kinda sucks.


my stomach's grumbling.



shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

HAHAHA! k i look exceptionally chubbeh.

and da look so skinny. OMG.

k im like laughing to myself.

who cares.

i own the house yaw.

anw my there's this mini slideshow on my homescreen.

and this pic popped out.

rmb me and oli we hiding in the horn cupboard.

yeah that the french horn cupboard.

we threw all the instruments out , and hid in there to emo/use hp.

and da came in and like, wth are you both doing in there?!

hahahaa. stuffff. k eww.

we were friends then anw.

kinda funny.

i miss the damn cupboard.

it must be so smelly now.

and did i mention?

im at home alone.

not really actually.

but technically yes.

dad mom and elder sis went to msia.

and second sis and i stayed home.

but , the moment i woke up , she wasnt home anymore.

bet she's partying like crap.

and i suppose she's taking this opportunity to go clubbing?

so yeah. home alone.

like emo. and laughing to myself.

looking through the sec3 pictures and all.

like when da and i were friends.

and we went to watch movie with xiaohui.

and i cried in a cartoon film. like seriously i did?!?!

k yeah i did. UP was touching k. hmph.

and yeah all the pics with han and jess. and han. eww.

and xiaohui .

oh ! and khoirul nas and xiaohui.

all the hilarious moments and all the crap we did.

buying our first colored contact lenses and freaking out

as though we were getting a tatoo, then buy junk and daiso.

and taking pictures , literally spamming with oli.

and umm jaron? -.-

and lastly the famous greatest rosalind.

hahahaaa. crazy peeps.

you can obviously figure out now why my grades were like crap huh.

but at least then, i had a life.

A REAL LIFE.

i mean although i was fat , and knew im fat.

i'll still get up (:

k im lying, who the hell gets up with a smile.

at least i didnt hate school.

and at least when i go to school, i know han or pokes will be there.

and i can like immediately hang around , say hi to everyone,

sit on other people(girls of course)'s laps and run around.

look at what i have then, and now.

im like .______________________________________________________. everyday.

like forever .________________________________________________________.

k im doing it now.

people really think alot when they're alone.

forever alone. ahhahaha

blogger changed a lil bit?
something's different , but i cant tell what.
ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
nope, still cant.



k anw.
had lessons yesterday.
lesson i meant.
8-10. supposedly 11. but ended early.
k so i dressed wierdly.
and met da at 1120am.
like just nice, cos he's always late . dohh.


we went to make a report.
stupid scammer.
hope she ...
nah. wont hope she dies , too mean.
hope she gets scammed too?
okay, so he brought me to msia.
like ''smuggle me to msia''
or kidnap. catnap. whatever.
we went to citysquare to eat.
and i forgot to buy nanonano. urgh.
wanted to watch movie.
happily thought breaking dawn came out yst.
umm yeah. in the US
we went to eat. had awefully sweet horlicks.
i feeel so ^^
like childhood feeling whenever i taste horlicks.
esp those not properly mixed and then mixed with ice.
so you can like chew on the lumpy lumpy stuff.
k no one gets its.
its okay, my blog.
shuddup. hahaha. mean (O:


yeah and then he drived me to his house.
like i thought i'll scream and die and everything.
but not really.
cos there was jam at the beggining.
he was the one screaming and everything.
like NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
-.-
and we had pillow fight in the car while he was driving.
thank goodness im still alive now and typing.
and it was raining.
and we bought doughnuts.
(O:
like 6 of it.
3 each so he wouldnt hog mine and i wouldnt hog his.
why would i? {:<


so we reached his house.
noisy dog.
i mean i really really really honestly love golden retrievers.
but his is the worst and scariest and biggest ever.
that dog barks and growls like a lion.
and it's kept in this really huge cage like a lion.
poor guy. but still. i dont really like dogs that bark.
esp chihwawas. eww.


k and we watched cloudy with a chance of meatballs.
and ate doughnuts.
cos like. nth to watch.
we watched it together in sec3.
surprisingly we're still laughing at the same stuff.
then we'll be like, ehhh. we laughed over this before.
WOLS.
what ta dooo.
and his parents came home and laughed.
cos we were watching kiddy shows and i was so into the movie i nearly forgot to say hi.
im so mean ):
and we had dinner at some cafe.
saw that barista doing latte art.
like jealous max.
i miss playing with the steamer.


MST's coming really really really soon.
like 3 weeks? 2.5 weeks?
i havent even gotten the hang of my modules and tests are here?
this is crap really.
november literally flies. literally.
its the 19th alr. that's crazy.
pros and cons ah.
k the only pro is allowance soon(O:
cons like everything else?
stupid.

k lah bye.
need to start revising.
esp on the IT based modules.
im like IT stupid. really.
all i know is facebook and temple run.
maybe a little bit of twitter and blogger.

ciao.

i mean k bye.

its so early!
wednesday again, so my day's off.
awesome.


going back to bukit view later for band.
we're gna be the silver polish that helps .
right.
umm.
just wna perform with oli one last time.
lol you should have saw the mistake before i corrected it.
i spelled OIL.
haahaha.
umm. yeah
its been long , and i miss her loads!
plus her Os are over.
wthh.
like what the hewww.
its been one year alr?!
and i still get creeps when i go back for band.
cos i see jarod as the SL.
which is totally wrong.
he was like the small irritating guy back then.
and now he's in my position. how nice.
ah well. hey 11.11 ! make a wish.
crap. i feel so restless, distracted and hyper.
woohooo.
reminds me of last night during ''sectionals''
it ended with me attempting to throw a chair at minghui.
whadayewthinkkkk.


and my presentation's over yaw!.
screwed up attempt , i really got scared i kept stuttering.
and like when i slowly rmbed all the points,
eugene's phone vibrated and i forgot everything again.
yep. that's xiyu.
ok yeah. but its over.
and the lecturer said no one got Cs and Ds.
not like i hoping much for an A. duh.
k so im skipping tmr's tutorial. cos im alr done with my presentation.
and it's the continuation of over ppl's presentation.
sleeeeeep. gna go to school at like 11am. lika boss.
for the first time. damn it.


and thank marvin.
not gawd.
thank marvin for lending me his soft case.
ITS SOOO FLUFFFAAAY.
no not really.
its just friggin like.
guess its like less than 1000g. (1kg) hahaha
my case is like 5.1kg.
to make it look WHOA , its 5100g.
WHOAAAAAAAAAAAA.
heavy huh.
k sum ting wong with me.


aiyayayaa.
and sis is back from her op.
we shared the cheese popcorn
and yeah. she has no school too.
not like im gna wait on her the whole day.
im outta the house nigga.
and she's so mean.
just because she went for an op, she demands everything.
and gets it.
like usually she want this super duper expensive butter cookies from denmark?
like 9bucks for a tin. and mom will just ignore her (HAHA)
and i came home yst, 2 tins of butter cookies.
wts man. wts.
i wna go for an op too.
haha k no.

and btw, the presentation ended with my style.


''k bye''

finally gotss nutella.
i feel awesome.
awefully lonesome.
like some forever alone kinda person?
no one then eat nutella. naise.
k.




bad monday.
bad bad monday.
well, gened first thing in the morning again.
monday blues ah.
sat with shafiqa in gened for the first time.
she's a terror serious.
she's vulgar and skinny and rude and vulgar.
in a good way.
how is that good.
but she's real nice. (cough)
and skinny. i couldnt help it k.
i was like umm, are you like 25kg?
she smacked me. ah well.
kinda fun sitting with her tho.
feel like there's finally a retard in my class that can connect with me.
hahaha. k sorry.


yeah other lessons were boring.
i would say, good sense of concentration today .
phew. gta catch up after those stonning and i-hate-my-life moments.
back on track woman, back on track.
and XX said my piercing was nice.
he's just gay.


k there's port operations presentation tmr.
which is why im blogging so much,
because im freaking out.
HELP ME ):
i will not see anyone tmr.
i see bears. only bears. and i will talk normally , with singlish.
i . am. okay.
yeah right, that's what i said that day before the skit.
before you know it , it was my turn like awkward silence for 3 mins?
nice life xiyu, nice life.


and umm, think im going msia with da on wed/fri?
the initial plan was wed. cos i dont have sch.
and then i suddenly rmb, oli's Os finish today.
and she's going back to band on wed.
NOOOO (*&#(*@&#@
yeah, so it's changed to friday, after stats.
*cross fingers*
stats please end early.


kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
listening to real emo songs and eating nutella.
i feel like laughing and crying at the same time.

bye lor.

Lifehouse - Somewhere Only We Know (Live @ Yahoo!)

^^ old songs are still best.

lazy crazy day.


i need to study.
still in bed.
haha.
okay, i got up real early.
to go to cousin's wedding.
went to church. like zommmg.
i never ever want to get married. it's like so scary.
and the tied down feeling forever.
doesnt feel good.
my cousin's so pretty tho.
(:
felt like orphans there tho.
cos oni sisters and i went.
my dad had to work. and mom's got smth on.
other ppl keep asking where's mom and dad.
and like where they go , send my regards blah blah blah.
dude, you're like gna see them at dinner later.
felt like crying lol.


okay anw, at night there's dinner at the restaurant.
so umm. yeah.
i cant seem to like blog about a long long long post.
my life's kinda empty you see.
just like the blog. and it's posts.

alright, gta catch up on studies.
bye nigga.

k, like.
idk.
im so confused.
and like screwed up and everything?


i skipped lesson today.
cos i couldnt wake up.
and i didnt want to see you .
so im like dead cos its hard to catch up for 3 hours of statistics.
i'll try..


cousin's wedding tmr.
jeez. we're like not so close anw.
my sis's the 'flower girl'
seriously?
k ima laugh at her.
idk ah. or should i bring my notes to study.
that's plain stupid.


urghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
so frustrated.


k lah bye

met up with rosalind just now.
and went for piercing. two.
i feel good.
i feel satisfied.
and i feel better.
i love her so much. seriously.


ah k. school tmr again.
feel like exams are over and its the holidays alr.
umm. stupid me.
and i talked with hannan on fb yst.
nice catching up . like finally.
he said he's 168 now.
thats like 10cm taller than me alr.
we used to be the same height. or he used to be shorter.
arsehole. im so pissed.
lol


i kinda feel inhumane.
okay i feel un-human rather.
no longer feel like a living person.
no meaning to be on this earth anw.


right. gotta get a point straight to myself.
that exams arent over.
okay.
bye.

The Click Five - Don't Let Me Go Official Video

)':

i enjoy the pain.

"Without You" AJ Rafael [Official Music Video]

i didnt have the intent on any evil thoughts.
i just wanted to patch things up, and be friends.
just friends.
i found out today we'd be stuck in the same class for the next 2 years or so.
i cant take it being like this.

i really didnt..

finally got up at 8am in the morning.


feel so energised alr.
k not. i just woke up from me nap.
naise.



okay, sis booked the court a few days back.
at like today, 9am.
okay, so we decided to take a 2km walk all the way to the mrt station.
-________-
tired. duh.
and we played badminton at the court.
for like an hour .
and she was pissed or smth?
she kept thrashing me.
very funny. now my armpits hurt max.
and we went to eat KFC breakfast after that.
not. i ate the 80cents honey biscuit.
and we ran 3km back home.
i dropped dead when i went home.
like really . on the floor. and i fell asleep.
so i just bathed. and dad's bringing me out.
feels like a sunday.
and a great day to put everything down.

i love sis.
ewww.



bye.

David Choi - Heart

k , 'hi im david choi' please shuddup.
now im pissed , too.

sneaky pooper.



having it kept altogether is real difficult.
great sunday .
3rd day rotting at home.
i'll give it my personal best record.
tmr's the 4th.
i promised sis to either tennis or smth with her.
if not we're going running, at 9am.
which is totally wrong for me.
i can just pull her leg and get dragged on the floor while she runs.
she has nice calf muscles now.
wierd to say this but yeah.
awesome sis.
she runs like 3 times a week, 10km each time.
dont know how she keeps up to it.
and she goes yoga as well. crazy.
i hope she gets married real soon and i get my own room.
k she doesnt have a bf.
sorry .


after 2 days of cooping myself in my own chicken coop.
or pigsty . a.k.a my room. guess i should start studying.
at least.
no motivation . but yeah.
gta force it on myself huh.
before i lose out to everyone else again,
like last sem.
dont wna end up going some unknown uni just because of my stupid probs.
not worth it.
well, easier said than done.


i had this wild thought of calling you last night,
and ask if you'd like to meet up.
i doubt you will.
plus, i should never be that selfish.
never.
go on, with your own life.
its supposed to be like that anw.
well then.
in with the new. i hope.


it get better woman, it gets better.

cant get used to being stuck in that happiness?


well, try me.
not literally.


i woke up so early today.
at like 10am?
okay its not that early.
but i couldnt sleep, tossing and turning last night.
and if know me, i'd prolly sleep a couple more hours on such a saturday.
and tomorrow, and the day after.
this feeling is so sick.
well, at least now i've got the space i want.


some guy talked to me on fb last night.
giving me the wrong advices and everything.
idk, just feels wrong.
afterall, he wasnt truthful AT ALL when he was with my bestfriend.
and the kind of advice he gave me ,
was that every other guy would be the same as him,
and make the same decisions, lying other everything to get their own time.
part of me didnt believe anything.
yet , i thought through everything.
i dont know.


if i'd attempt to be thick,
i'd say '' dont mistake my kindness for my weakness''
i beg to differ, i'd like to correct kindness, for stupidity.
i really ponder over how much stupid-er i can get honestly.
saying , only you can make me blue .
its like putting myself into a pit of fire. plain stupid.
yet i still do it.
still, giving is better than getting.
its actually the willing receiver .
im so damn thick. and stupid.
i mean, if you were worth crying for,
you wouldnt even let me shed a tear right?
imbecile me.


headed to the gym.
how ironic that i felt like the treadmill itself.
my life just goes on and on
and no matter how hard i'll try or push myself forward,
i'll still be on the same spot and the end of the day
its a matter of choosing whether to stay at that spot or not.
im struggling. real bad.


practically threw my whole day away yesterday.
not gonna waste precious time before i start hyperventilating again.


everything's gna be,
well.. fine.
just fine.

David Choi - Love

been listening to his songs so much,
everytime i play there's this
''hi im david choi''
and sis will shout ''SHUT THE HELL UP''

AJ Rafael - When We Say (Juicebox) - Official Music Video - Wong Fu Prod...

kinda miss this song.
loads of songs make sense now.
so last year.
not so good-looking guy but he has awesome songs

The worst way to miss someone is when they are right beside you and yet you know you can never have them.





humans are selfish.
i am human, so ?
yesterday could have been my worst day, ever.
in my entire 17 years and 1 month.



i dont know, i had a bad night.
had some nightmare of which i was on the cruise.
the same cruise, same life we took.
same deck. everything , same.
it felt like a re-enactment.
except for the part when i was left alone.
you can prolly feel it in my bones already right.
woke up and felt cranky.





so many things happening here.
why has to be me.
i have a heart too, like everybody else.
why me?
i feel so frustrated.
its as if there's some conspiracy against ,
i dont know? me?


i feel like im gna explode.
i feel angry. and i cant vent it out.
i cant even smile to tell others im alright.







i dont know.
everyone's leaving, no one cares, or you're taking everything away.
its an all-gone-wrong situation.
how do i even reach that stage of epiphany,
where i'll finally understand why these series of events happen to me,
not little by little, not one by one.
but all at the same time.
even if you had to throw some barriers or obstacles to me,
you wouldnt throw it at my face will ya?


im getting tired of this.
its really dramatic, i dont believe its true.
and now what?
even my passion's gone?


i wish i could tell you everything.
i wish you'd have that basic understanding of whats going on.
didnt even get a wink of sleep last night,
because i've been thinking.
what can i do other than cry?
i wish i didnt have to deserve this sometimes.






Granted, just an infinitely more mild version of the intended impact of that phrase.
everything fades, memories fade.
bullshit.
i hate everything.










please save me?

it's been a couple of hours and im still lying in my bed thinking.


what in the world am i doing, seriously?
SHITE. i need motivation.
some studying should be going on or smth.


time to shake this off and get going woman.

this is unbelievable.


okay, not i am.
like THIS is.
if you get what i meant.
the amount of self reproach i am going through is unpredictable.



where you'll just go back to where you belong.
and my life , social life, everything in general is close to NIL/NA.
kinda sucks huh.
all those little moments still tugs at my heartstrings.
i know when i've gone beyond the boundary,
but still..
its near impossible to put down that clamp on emotions
or the time limit on it.
how long has it been again?


day by day,
lessons through lessons i walk past you.
thinking will things ever be the same?
cant we at least remain as closest friends, forever?
i cant imagine if you'd ever approach me to stay out of your life.
feels like you'd do it anytime.
the insanity would be definately manifold.
come to think of it, i should be like
'' why would i even care?''
i beg to differ. i care.


y'know where the feeling accumulates in the chest.
all the imput.
not talking about the physicalities.
but at least yeah, all the imput.
and there's no outlet from my so-called chamber.
just slowly travels downwards and downwards.
halts. shivers. deepbreaths. cry . sleep. gone. im over it. repeat.


i wish i could be nonchalant about this.
the fact that i am not, partly shows i am human afterall.
and sorta kills me.
i have feelings too.
really sensitive ones.


if only i could just put everything down,
not waste my one-to-two hour of nothingness out of that precious 24hours a day
and stop dwelling about how things are bad as it is.


well, a rant is still a rant.
thank you blogger.
really appreciated it much.
rather than talking to that oversized bear whom does nothing but smile.
perfect day at home.
voluntary deprivation and captivity.
space and of course, a tinge of self reproach.


bye.

my heart and my mind,
definately did not connect.


the first time in i have no idea how long
that i've had eye contact with you.
so badly wanted to at least say hi.
but there was this natural reaction.
what if that someone was behind you.
and like in an instant reaction my mind just said, RUN.
as usual.
i really did.
but that instant was captured in my head.
i can almost feel it now.
its the same as the other times when we used to hangout.
everything feels captured.
the shirt you wore, the stuff you were holding.
everything.



i dont know why.
really feel exhausted
tired of school and everything.
i feel so thankful that school's out for me tmr.
i feel so relieved.
sigh..
if only things werent so difficult.



bye