this is unbelievable.


okay, not i am.
like THIS is.
if you get what i meant.
the amount of self reproach i am going through is unpredictable.



where you'll just go back to where you belong.
and my life , social life, everything in general is close to NIL/NA.
kinda sucks huh.
all those little moments still tugs at my heartstrings.
i know when i've gone beyond the boundary,
but still..
its near impossible to put down that clamp on emotions
or the time limit on it.
how long has it been again?


day by day,
lessons through lessons i walk past you.
thinking will things ever be the same?
cant we at least remain as closest friends, forever?
i cant imagine if you'd ever approach me to stay out of your life.
feels like you'd do it anytime.
the insanity would be definately manifold.
come to think of it, i should be like
'' why would i even care?''
i beg to differ. i care.


y'know where the feeling accumulates in the chest.
all the imput.
not talking about the physicalities.
but at least yeah, all the imput.
and there's no outlet from my so-called chamber.
just slowly travels downwards and downwards.
halts. shivers. deepbreaths. cry . sleep. gone. im over it. repeat.


i wish i could be nonchalant about this.
the fact that i am not, partly shows i am human afterall.
and sorta kills me.
i have feelings too.
really sensitive ones.


if only i could just put everything down,
not waste my one-to-two hour of nothingness out of that precious 24hours a day
and stop dwelling about how things are bad as it is.


well, a rant is still a rant.
thank you blogger.
really appreciated it much.
rather than talking to that oversized bear whom does nothing but smile.
perfect day at home.
voluntary deprivation and captivity.
space and of course, a tinge of self reproach.


bye.