k just gna ignore the 30 day thingy for now.
exam's coming, which sucks.
and i totally neglect this blog.
im so bad.
but yes no choice.


my life's a lil.
okay no it's very screwed up now.
everything in my life is officially disorganised.
i feel so lost and whatnot.
no sense of direction, dont know where to start from.
not starting my revision.
just generally everything is screwed up.
and i owe an apology to myself.
i have no idea where im heading for.
this is a sign for deepshiat.


i need to stay alive .



k bye.

sorry blogger.
havent got a chance to update.
first time in so long i actually skipped blogging for a few days.

skipping to day 18 alr k.


Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have



so many of those.
where do i start from?



i dont know.

1. prolly wna get into a good uni after graduation. with my gpa, i'd prolly get kicked to no-where ville.

2. save up money for future use. like way ahead.

3. Sell sammy.

4. master fingerstyle guitar and uke so no one will look down on me.

5. Peace.


------------------------------------------------------------

talking about peace.
home sweet home.
well, home's always the best no matter what.
i actually just got home from malaysia.
went to da's house with sean tw and jx for 2 days.
dont really wna talk about it.
ended up going home, crossing over the border. alone.
life really sucks huh.


talk about friday.
went to meet classmates for house visit at yiuwah's.
with biyu yiyan danielle amanda lydia hongwei
and they gambled.
really .
all i can say is.
gambling is bad.
honest.
and then they went to timber for dinner.
pizza and drinks.
i drank apple martini for the first time.
okay it tasted like candy.
and just as i wanted to tell yiuwah how it tasted, there was some crappy burning after taste.
pizza was good , but had to go off early.
felt so blur, i texted yiuwah the wrong thing.
very odd.
i was fine after a warm water bath.
better than breezer from the other time i guess.
i gulped everything and turned red.


alright enough for today.
im really tired.
didnt study much and i feel really, really guilty.
now that there's no more band,
i can put that aside .
just hope i dont think too much about sammy.
really need to focus i guess.


bye.

Bloody heart breaking k. Living in denial aye? Guess you brought my hopes up for nothing. Screw it. I ought to get shot for this

Can i just stay here till i expire?



pretty tired of this crap.
i feel lifeless.



take everything. i dont need anything anymore.

Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play

okay it's day 15.
im getting sick of this.
its so lame.
not going to give up something so simple anyways.
or else there is really no point in my existence.


1. Better Together- Jack Johnson
2. Because you live- Jesse macartney ( HAHAHA DAREN)
it's been in my songlist for 4 years now. nope, never sick of that gay song he intro-ed.
3. Yellow- Coldplay
4. Some malay song rosalind left in my songlist too. i dont know why i never seem to delete it.
it's been 3 years?
5. Da eum nal - Seungri's solo
6. Only One- yellowcard (HAHAHA DAREN AGAIN)
7. Paperweight from DearJohn
8. Apologise- Pixie Lott
9. She will be loved- Maroon 5
10. Time after time- javier colon


wierd shuffle list.
brings back so much memories,
because basically,
i never EVER remember to remove any unwanted songs.
and i never EVER EVER add any new songs.
so sad life right.
and im like listening to music 20hours everyday?
imagine what kinda crap im listening to huh.
i know.
one fine day i'll just stop listening to music.
someday..

--------------------------------------------------------------
okay i officially got over last night.
too emotional abit ah.
y'know venus texted me out of no where to ask if i were okay.
so sweet right.
rarely have such people popping out at the down side of your life k.
feel so thankful. and much better.


some situation im in ,
just cant be explained or shared with others.
so like yeah, ouch me.
ouch.
feel like shouting.
haha. k im good.
gta go revise abit.
i seem to be drifting away because of MD.
and because i was sick.

god damn it, it's been more than a month hello.
WHY DO I STILL HAVE PHLEGMS.
i feel like coughing and crying.
i dont wanna go to school .
i wna rot at home for life.
and let my mom feed me.
okay i was lying about the feeding part.
im such an ass.
xiyu do you want a freaking future or not?
okay yes i want.


nevermind ~

bye .

im affected.


im feel so affected.
i feel broken ,
the emotional pain just cant be explained.
why do i feel like this?
just because i cant put it to words, doesnt mean i havent got any feelings.



the feeling of betrayal or loneliness or something.
i constantly seek answers but tend to beat up on myself,
even if i could no longer make whatever it was that broke my heart.
comforting myself feels useless, or makes things even worse.
cos i tend to just push myself back into the position that i left.

where the hell am i going?
wish there was a helping hand.


im tired of waiting..

SO CUTE I CAN DIE.
really forever alone.
im like watching kitty clips on CNY.
hurhur ~

Day 14- A picture of you and your family




ignore the arms please.
my dad's so handsome.
kthxbye.



---------------------------------------------------------------

MD yaw!




haha, trumpet section squeezing in the mini mirror in the dressing room .
literally squeezing.






so scary.
if you see it, you poop bricks.
k no lah. kidding.
so obvious.

ok so stay at home day tonight.

i finally finished my PLJ.

i dont know why my essays are ever short now a days.

sum ting wong.

but yeah.

518 words k.

enough. yaaayyy.

yeah. today's open house ah.

so my dad and sister's friends are coming over.

yawnn.

forever alone ah. bye. ):

k no. tmr stay at home part 2 !

yayyy!

need to catch up on alot of stuffs.

- dreamweaver

- bunkering

- econs

- gened project and ya da yada yada.

okay.

just hope i wont be alone this evening k.

k bye.

dont think anyhow k.


Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently


i dont know.
no one actually hurt me.
i dont know really.
im not the kind that bears grudges



so ,
dear so-so .
i wished we'd still keep in contact for a long long long time.
and i wished the friendship , relationship, and all the ships we had werent so fragile.
just because of our differences, doesnt mean we should distant ourselves.
maybe we just met at the wrong point of our lives,
but it wont make things any worse.

so yep,
no grudges .
no blaming no hurting no nothing,
i just wished things would be the same.
):


------------------------------------------------
okay today was a long day.
got up real early and went to the columbarium to visit mama.
really missed her alot, and wished she's still be here to celebrate CNY with us.
went back to the house, and it was rather empty.
no happiness no nothing, the atmosphere just felt so still.
jeez..


okay and then we went back home in the afternoon.
and i took a nap.
more than a power nap.
i slept like 4 hours . now im freaking awake k.
haha.
and then we went to my mom's side for dinner.
ended up eating junk and was too full for rice.
my grandpa like blur when he found out.
haha so cute right.
dont really know how to communicate with them.
wish i could tho..


okay so we got home .
and i slacked.
ok fine. i admit.
every CNY's the same.
it's my 17th year and im kinda sick of it alr.
/:
yawnss.
sad night tonight ah.


haha.
k bye.(:

Day 12- How you found out about Blogger and why you made one


hmm.
didnt really know much about blogger
and used to think it was dumb, cos i didnt get the idea of an online ''diary''
for the fact of the the countless attempts creating diary entries
maybe like after 2 entries the book will turn to junk.


so yeah i found blogger in 2007, when i was in sec 1.
and this blog has been constantly updated.
i admit i used to update crap.
im no better now, talking to myself and everything.
at least it's self entertainment k.
not sure if im going bonkus tho.

made a blog myself cos i wanted to be like huijuan.
we were then, blogging crap.
like , today so boring, i go school then go home slack. then bye kinda thing.
felt cool then.
and there was this tagboard thing remember?
it still exists but i removed mine cos it attracts attention.
and partly cos ppl read but dont comment or tag or anything.
which makes me feel like a sad person and a loner talking to myself.
so basically im living in self-denial aye?
yer think?


yeah and this was called dagalwif-a-brokensmile.bs
now i remember.
haha dayummm.
so although i changed links and whatnot cos i thought i'd be happy from then on and i was wrong,
nothing much else changed.
and the previous blog designs i had were basically creditted to huijuan and her sis.
smart ppl.
rmb about this egg blogskin, and some dumb tortoise blogskin.
and the recent one with the plain orange and white background created by huijuan's sis.
yep i loved that the most till i act smart and tried editing the stuff myself and deleted it by accident.
im so stupid. seriously.
so was forced to change to the norm blogskin from blogger.
yawns.
k done


------------------------------------------------------------------------

long day today.
i woke up at 1plus in the afternoon.
felt so naise to finally sleep till im done sleeping.
instead of having to be woken up.
stupid incomplete feeling.


and yeah i watched desperate housewives5 marathon.
sooo addicted.
it's so awesome.
like the only drama series i'll go for.
if u know me,i dont actually watch much teevee or get glued.
but shit happens occasionally.
and peeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwww. i threw the spring cleaning aside.
i watched it till 4pm.
so awesome.
every sunday have eh.
watch it with cousin last week.
she's glued to anything tho.
hope i rmb about it next sunday.


and then i started to spring clean.
within 2 hours i was done.
cool or wad.
im so cool ikr.
my room is neat.
yaaaay.
new bed sheet and stuff.
and i found ALOT of coins when i cleaned up.
now my cow box is half full.
im so positive right.
i said half full, not half empty.
k i should shut up.
i think it's because im real tired now.
like the using up all energy plus hyper part before i KO?
yep that part.
heh.


okay and went to eat dinner at longjohnsilver's
reunion dinner? hahaha.
so wierd. and the theater was empty.
loners.
movie was alright.
and went to walk around for awhile.
i feel like eating sweets now im so tired.
k back. sweeetts.


ok so going out tmr i guess.
CNY's not really my thing.

ahh too tired.

k bye.

Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends

juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuust niceee.

k these are the only MD pictures i have now.

MD is OVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEERRRRRR!

and it was better than i expected (:

i feel complete.

can leave in peace ah.

haha

jingyi and i

nora and i !

in nun clothing. hahaha

the pass with a freaking typo.

such a turn-off ! ):

like so memorable, then fail.

k try spotting the error.

soo. yes. MD is over.

really great great great great experience.

so many stuff happened.

cant mention all but i'll try.

so, began the day skipping stats lesson.

because i had LOA.

y'know the moment i didnt come, everyone started telling me that i've got alot to catch up.

i am dead.

will try my best to catch up during this break.

i promise myself.

headed for the band room and got everything moved.

took a bus there.

was so amazed by the dressing room.

it's so classy! hahaha.

but trumpet section in that mini room is a big nono right.

still managed to squeeze tho.

there was a toilet in the dressing room!

like umm.. 19 peeps plus alumnis sharing the room.

yep.

the dressing room's like half of a normal bedroom.

but still, imagine if you're the soloist or performer or smth.

it's lika boss kinda thing.

sorry, mountain tortoise here.

*waves hand*

actually remember performing at the NUS hall or smth in sec 3.

SPH isit? forgot. and they had bigger dressing rooms.

it was cool too, but like all the girls to one room and i was busy screaming then.

so yeah.

okay we had approximately 4 hours of break.

i mean i .

wth right.

went to slack at marina. really too free.

and we had so much time to shop for kwangyi and shimin's present.

i was so tired already then.

about 1pm?

yes. sleepy already.

and i already had bloodshot eyes by then.

so yumyumyum had short rehearsals.

i expected the hall to be bigger actually.

until i went on stage and like, k big enough. im scared.

so yeah,

i got a message from huimei that both thweni and her werent coming for the concert.

they paid for it alr tho.

felt so unsupported i could cry.

thats like 1/4 of my pillar.

really like to thank da, rosalind ( WOO ROSALLINNND!!!) , sean timmeh, sis , sis, mom and dad for coming. really appreciated it alot. (':

wish stuffys were there tho

and yeah dad finally came back to singapore after a month at india.

feel so relieved that he's safe.

rather awkward with him now.

dont know if i've changed or what.

i dont know really..

okay so yeah the performance started,

and minghui marvin asyraf and i only played at the 5th song.

so we went back to the dressing room to slack.

i honestly like the tuba peep's section piece.

so naisseeeee!!!!!!!!

wished they played it for me at korea on my birthday.

hahaha, k sorry.

anw. we had alot of fun back there.

cos there was this spotlight thingy.

and it was damn bright and hot.

i think i got blinded like 4 times.

sad life me.

and it was super .______________________________________________.

i was afraid i wouldnt sound flat.

and the room was dark.

so i saw this shiny trumpet and thought, oh well. just warm sammy up.

after 15 mins marvin disturbed me about warming sammy up.

and he said, sekali it's not urs.

and then im like, haha.

and then i looked at the saliva key.

OMG IT'S REALLY NOT MINE .

it was marvin's.

wthlolomgwtsbbqafk.

life sucks sometimes huh.

okay the performance went well, to me.

i didnt have much stage fright.

couldnt really see the audience.

and i liked to play the encore.

feel so proud of myself honestly that i didnt make much booboos

and life really sucks.

im like leaving and ending my passion.

and i finally learnt how to single tongue very fast.

._.

oh btwbtw,

there was an interval and i went to find them.

and da sean and rosalind stayed inside.

wth. inside no reception. i couldnt contact them.

i called dad and he said he lost mom and sis.

and i called sis she didnt pick up.

like so sad eh.

im like lost sad emo forever alone sheep.

everyone around me met up with their loved ones and stuff.

i stood in the middle of no where stonning.

sad person.

and then they had the last call that interval was over,

i finally spotted sis.

she chose to buy cookies and eat instead of finding me.

OMG. im so embarrassed.

after the concert i met up with da and sean.

and my mom was right, the safety pin will give way and pierce through me.

ok it didnt pierce through me thank god.

thank you so much.

i caught the safety pin that snapped on time and ran to the bathroom.

pheeww.

joel called and i met up with him.

JOEL FAN. the skinny tall stick guy.

ok it was rather wierd cos he was with kwangyi.

joel was my SL in sec sch, and kwangyi's my current.

and they were tgt.

and they both know weijuan, my pri school SL.

and all of them know the infamous angeline(MOM)

small world huh!

ok most importantly they know me k.

(: teeehee

okay so it ended and i didnt get to see rosalind ):

went supper with da.

not really.

he ate his dinner and i KO-ed beside his fries.

so sleepy eh.

my eyes were like bloodshot and small.

and i nearly fell asleep walking .

we hanged around till like 2am.

feel so tired still now

cos tooooooooooodaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy.

woke up early to meet da for shopping.

CNY shopping yah right.

he said to meet up early and whatever.

and he was late.

for like 1 and a half hours.

idiot guy .

ok and he gave me un-bear-ables gummies from the natural confectionary.

hahaha

so.. we went to walk around and buy his clothes.

you've got to listen to this.

all i bought was a mini sheep eraser from smiggle.

cos da bought this pencil cup for his pencils. -.-

and then the sheep were at the counter display.

couldnt resist . really.

i literally jumped and everything .

soo cuteeeee.

ok da bought it for me.

haha. and his expression like -_-

liar. he still played with it.

and we walked and we walked .

IM SO TIRED.

we didnt finish walking cos it rained

couldnt go to orchard central on time,

we wanted to buy couple shoe at VANS.

guess we'll give it a miss.

didnt send cousins off.

i miss them already.

they'll be back in august.

must meet up with them ):

all da's fault.

shop shop shop.

tsk. hahaha ok no.

i said it myself that i wanted to accompany him

and we went to meet my family for reunion dinner.

he came too omg.

haha. awkward a lil.

and yeah. quite full cos we ate junk before dinner.

whoops. okay after dinner we went back to my house.

da and i slacked. we played benny(uke) and the guitar.

like crazy.

we just crapped. and played.

quite fun tho.

first time im not sleepy or bored or anything.

and he ate the cookie that sis bought.

it was for me. >:[

ahwell.

okay so my dad sent him home.

and tada im here .

whoa very long post.

thought we were going to...

ah nevermind.

let it be . (:

Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad

crap. i think i skipped a day.
):
k this is for yesterday.
so i can answer 2 questions teehee.


hmm.
Happy- english pop songs/emo songs.
sad- violin pieces/rock/ instrumental band songs
bored- english pop songs/emo songs
hyped- emo songs/ instrumental songs
mad- put the earpiece on and off the ipod.


yep. that's me for your info.

DAY9: SOMETHING PROUD I DID IN THE PAST FEW DAYS. I JUST FINISHED MY PRESENTATION YAW. YAYYYY. literally lifting one of the boulders off my chest. Just proud of myself i didnt die. Having band tonight, so wont be blogging. So scared eh tmr MD alr. Sammy, please sell yourself I beg you. ): i feel so stressed out now. Urgh. K bye

The Lion King - Can You Feel The Love Tonight

aww (,: rosalind will cry if she watches this.
commmfem

okay.
so ITB's over.
there wont be any such stupid test with the laggy comps in our comp lab.
seriously, even sec school's better.
they should've just let us use our own laptops and do the lockdown browser thingy.


and everyone was super pissed .
idk. i like some happy idiot in the middle.
cos it was funny.
i mean like dont panic and everything and you wont be pissed at yourself.
so yeah. nazeer sat beside me. and sebas.
and it was hilarious.
cos he like gave up, and went twitter.
whud?? hahhaha okay lah at least he attempted abit in the end.
and amirul sat infront.
he was like blur as well.
and y'know what he did?
he just copy the demo sample of the qn and pasted.
so cool uh haha.


and i have presentation tmr most probably.
im going to die ):
okay lah not so bad.
stage fright? IM OVER IT BABEH.
im gna perform at esplanade. nth can make me scared-er.
OKAY IM LYING. SOMEBODY HELP ME PLEASE.
):
howhowhowhow okay later practice.
i talk to teddy.
he listens and he smiles .
even if u beat him.
cute guy.
ok bye.


TRUMPET HOW.
FML. (fries make lies)
):

DAY8: SHORT GOALS FOR THIS MONTH AND WHY

so obvious right

1. Get well soon.

Ive been sick for nearly 3 weeks now and i still have phlegm in my lungs.
its really affecting me.

2, Find a buyer for Sammy. im desperately freaking out by now.
i think of him in my dreams.

3.Get MD over and done with.

hopefully it would be a great experience. that would be fulfilling the stupid PLJ as well.

4. Get on track with studies.

i seem to be so distracted and everything these days.
gna catch up during the CNY period.
MUST.

-------------------------------------------------------------

okay done.
having fireworks test later.
*crossfingers*
gna be damn relieved once it's over.
its at 320.
so duh i woke up late today.
like finally.
couldnt have a good sleep for the past few days since ..
okay since last tues night.


the phlegms are so irritating btw.
it's like stuck deep down and i have cough real hard and real bad for it to come out.
eeeeeee.
k.
gna do work now.


jaron not coming for the concert.
idiot guy.
but sean's coming instead.
woohoo!~
bet he'll like say its boring.
and when he was bored the last time, he started shouting ''john'' and ''dick''
instead of my name.
so sad right. k fine.

da asked me to go shopping with him on saturday.
you kidding me?!
the thing i hate the most to do with him is shopping.
HE'S SO BORING.
not him being bored. as in him being a bore.
he'll walk in to a random shop. say wow. look at the shorts and say, ok no.
then walk out.
he'll just end up at top man .
*yawnn.*
shall just pull him direct to top man and dump him there huh.
heh heh.
but i hate crowds. ):
everyone, like him, is gna shop for last minute stuff.
poor me.


k bye.

Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you


hmm.
i guess it'll be that cheese face below.
(left)





well, i guess it's cos it's both of our first relationship.
which makes it worse.
HAHA.
i mean, yeah.
c'mon man, i thought he was nice, un-gay, a fine gentlemen, respectful and humble.
turns out he was none of the above k.


and , if you knew me right from the start, you'd know.
i was hot and short tempered, childish (VERY), vulgar, loud, scream-y, impatient and stuff.
till i met him. i guess i had to stop.
and realised everything wasnt about me afterall.( duh )
omg i was so stupid. so embarassing.

and bladdy hell, looks can be so deceiving k.
dont fall for it.
not like i thought that he was handsome.
eww. gay.
that ass is so hot tempered as well.

im not saying im good now.
i am not , obviously.
but at least he changed me to be a better(slightly) person.
and gave me a better perspective of the rest of the world.
and his acceptance and impatience and gay-stuff.
the other day i was feeling rather bad for us,
cos we hardly meet anymore these days, including the holidays.
and he promised to meet up often.
and he kept it.
i love him.




so gna embarass him now.
milk face.
thank god im keeping my own milk-mouth face.



im from the forces of eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeviiil ~

--------------------------------------------------------------------------


i overslept today.
omg. i think i didnt even set my alarm last night.
i was so tired i KO-ed on my bed at 12plus.
i really cant take it having band on mondays omg.
i have school at 8am the next morning.
plus school starts at 8am on monday as well.
urgh. i hate this.
okay so yeah i couldnt wake up.
biyu called me at 720 .
instant resuscitation.
okay no. haha.

okay dreamweaver sucks.
really gna work on it.
so restless and exhausted and bored , i practically gave up for 2.5 hours of IT just now.
ended up listening to sungha jung. awesome guy.

initially went to fc3 with biyu amanda and yiyan this afternoon.
saw someone. and the the seats were so close,
i begged to go somewhere else.
k wtvs.

im so tired.
and i just altered my MD gown myself !
hope it's not too obvious cos it's really huge ):
and i really need to sell sammy now.

so many things running through myhead...
feel like im gna blow up.

1. SAMMY. *priority* by this friday.
2. Extra MD ticket cos jaron's not going. urgh.
3. Fireworks
4. Dreamweaver
5. Port Ops chapter 9
6. Stats chap13
7. Econs chap7
8. Polish sammy.
9. Pack room. DAD'S COMING HOME THIS FRI


bye

DAY 6: FAVOURITE SUPERHERO. THORRRRRR!!!! So easy. Cos he's hot. As in the movie thor. Not the pathetic comic. Heard there's a second movie coming out. So hurrayyyy! *gives eye brows* okay. Having band tonight. Gna be so tired i need to promise myself to wake up for the 8am class for dreamweaver or i am dead. Having IT test on friday. So sad ): okay suddenly feel so excited for the concert. Eh. Forgot to mention my sheep hair is gone. Amanda says i look like cleopatra. And i was like wuddd. Felt a lil oconplimented at first. Then i googled images for cleopatra and $&@!?&$?#% so ugly. Hahaha. K bye

hahaha
yeahhhh. (Y)


learnt the beggining verse of more than words on guitar.
now my pinky is purple.
wts.
butttttttttttttttttttt.
yayayyayyay


now i wont have to feel like sleeping when da plays that song.
usually i'll like yawn.
and stuff. cos it's really boring.
and he says its romantic.
ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
k. haha
suddenly feel like laughing at that cheese face.


okay bye.

DAY 5 : Picture of where i've been too.

okay i've lost the taiwan and hongkong pics.
so yeah.



this is korea with the band peeps.


and this is in phuket.



-----------------------------------------------------------------------------


k . i am sooooooooooo frustrated.
cousin's like blasting music.
and using my itouch.
and complaining she wants to go swimming.
omggggg.
._.


k quick go home.
i need to study.
im so tired.
slept at 6am cos i spent the whole night talking to claire.
the other cousin.
okay it was kinda fun.
but i dont rmb knocking out.
haha.
oh, and gail jumps on my teddy all the time.
feel like crying.
and it's so friggin hotttttttttt.



btwbtwbtw,
i bought han this angel iphone cover.
angel as in , stich , but pink.
so gay.
and i spend my entire life savings . honest.
and then jess tweet me.
Y'KNOW WHATTTTTTTTT.
she bought the same cover as i did.
and gave it han as well.
it was stitch.
i feel like kicking han zomg.
my monehhhh.

hahaha .
and we bluff bluff friend her .
me and jess bluff bluff friend her only.


so tired.
):
and troubled.
sammy has to go now.
really.
im left with $1.40
for the next month because i bought tickets for my family.
i even bought one extra for you.
but nevermind i guess, dad's gna come for it.


bye

Adele- Don't You Remember

...

Trying to live without you.

DAY 4: A HABIT I WISH I DIDNT HAVE.


SO MANY.
umm.
1. procrastination?
like now?
cos i have stupid ITB test on wednesday.
and i got STUCK.
so sad right.


2. Having to be in bed at least 2 hours before i fall asleep.

3. Habit of being sticky to certain people. which is not good.

4. Habit of forgetting to smile at times.

5. Biting my lips when im nervous.
haha it used to be the reason why my front teeth protrudes.
and then i joined band, and it was okay alr.




okay .
so . i have stomach flu now.
damn it xiyu. wth cant you get better.
i think i have blogged for at least 2 weeks that im sick.
whatever seriously.
okay why i am i whatever-ing myself.
): i feel so sad.


okay met up with da , sean, jx, tw, bk, and eryan.
sorry and HAN.
i forgot. i think. hahaha
yeah and we went to fish and co .
the longest meal i ever had i think.
seriously.
we sat down for like 30 mins.
wait for jx, and then han came.
and then wait for the orders for 20 mins.
and then jx sean they all went to the atm for 20 mins.
and then we ate for like 1 hour
i drank water, and when i started on my pasta i was full alr.
da ended up eating my serving as well.
oink. (O:
okay yah,and now i have tummy upset.
oh, and we went to the park and went home.
their so called lepak.-.-

then da and i went to sit down and drank milk.
hahaha.
milk= beer k.
rmb watching kogepan at the poolside.
oh well.
(O_O) <-- kogepan's face.
and i then i went home.


today's a long day.
cos im going over to grandma's house later.
it's her birthday today.
my grandparent's birthdays are on random days really.
no lah, its like according to the chinese calendar.
ok so after that my cousins are coming to stay over.
the claire and gail thing.
they're leaving next week.
but i seriously need to study.
need to entertain that lil brat.
cute brat.
she sleeps later than me k. wth.



ok bye.

DAY 3: Picture of Me and My Friends.

Band peeps in Korea !

Year1 class peepss



Pictures can hor?

i never cheat wad.

MY ROSALIND <3

MELCAMP

4e2 !

Last day of school! chleo and huijuan

BVMB stttttsttttttt.

Artpeepss

3e2 (:

okay done.

feel so emotional.

damn it.

get a hold of yourself woman.

Day 2: Meaning behind my blog name.

Okay. So my blog's called th-cathatesfish right?
cos i used to play with some fat orange cat in sec2.
Initially my blog url was dagal-wif-brokensmile or smth.
I forgot where the - was placed.
And well, i met that cat.
And i bought cat food , tuna flavour, for it and it didnt like.
Waste my money damn it.

Oh. And chleo started calling me grey.
I forgot why.
Grey is her fat cat at home.
Perhaps cos i was/is fat.
And i hate fish.
So yes, here you go.
Day 2 of the 30day challenge. (:
im like typing this on my itouch now cos i just finished the test,
and i have no where to go till i meet da at 530 and then have band at 630pm.
So sad right.
And yeah.


Have got mixed feelings now,
cos i dont know what's on your mind and what you're thinking about.
I keep thinking it the wrong way. Hello, im not dirty minded.
As in wrong.
Meaning, i cant forget about us k.


Okay yah feeling so sleepy.
And im still sick ):
poor me.
Cant wait for concert.
Bye.

ADELE - 'Make You Feel My Love'

aww. )':
all time favourite since sec2.
i feel for her...


and she's so pretty k !
no perfect body or whatever but who cares.
pretty.


i love her.
k bye

DAY 1 : Picture of myself and 15 interesting facts about me.




ok this is damn recent.
honest.
about 13 years ago?
:}



okay facts facts.

1. i am indeed, very good in chinese.
2. i love animals. especially huge dogs and sheep.
3. i love sheep so much, i have sheep hair, sheepy pencil case, sheep converse shoes, and a sheep shirt, and of course wooly undies (O:
4. I talk to myself , alot. When im blogging, when im studying, when im watching teevee, and with friends, when no one responds.
5. I love music. Have played, or attempted and failed the following:
- trumpet (current)
- ukulele
- guitar
- violin (fail)
- e-flat horn
- cornet in eflat
- cornet in bflat
- flugelhorn
- euphonium
- recorder ( HAHAHA)
6. I dont sing. I dont sing anywhere. Not even in the shower, because im afraid the neighbours will hear.
7. I have spoilt approximately 11 earpieces/headphones/earphones in my entire life. and counting.
8. I like the colours brown, orange, red. and brown.
9. I am EMO, and i rot and stone.
10. My natural expression is literally ._. because others say i look sad. and that's because im stonning. and i have small eyes.
11. I dont use vulgarities anymore. At least no F-words and such. I stopped because i thought i had to grow up. no link right? okay, there are exceptions still.
12. People laugh when i attempt to joke. Not because im funny, but because of my stupidity.
13. I bite when i cry.
14. My ambition is to be a veterinarian.
15. I like stuffys. eh dont bother google-ing please. haha.




Phe-ew. done.
k so satisfied that i got to stay at home.
i love rotting.

HOLY MOLLLLLLLLLY!
haha.


k so random.
used to think that ppl that did 30 day challenges were stupid.
then i think.
i actually blog everyday -.-
not so stupid alr k. so yay.
and i guess it'll give a better idea of who i am?
rather than some person whom talks to herself.
okay yes. i am a person that talks to myself k.

so drowsy.
yes im still sick.
and i feel bad.
no i feel worse.
i keep coughing.
just wish i can ask myself to shutup k.



i attempted to play sissy's guitar.
apparently i failed.
i blue-blacked my own ring finger.
i dont know why.
so pain k. ):
you and me by lifehouse is a nice song.
): damn it.


okay.
so i went to school for awhile just now.
and bought soap on the way home.
yay soap ! (O:


today's danielle's birthday.
why is everyone so old.
so many january babies.
no fair.
happy birthday danielle ! (:
hope she get 4.0 all the way k.
haha



having band tmr again.
think we're playing jap grafitti 14.
hmm. prefer the disney's tho.
oh well.
feeling so sick ):
damn it.

ok lah bye

hai.
so sleepy.
and im still sick.
yah boring.
im sick, next day sick, and still sick.
ikr.
feel so stupid today cos i keep coughing.


okay ,
so.
i skipped IT lesson today.
feel so bad.
promise to catch up tmr.
cos i took the mini flu meds last night.
the yellow super drowsy one y'know?
and i slept at 1 plus last night.
so i couldnt wake up at 630am.
duh?
yeah im so mean :{
at least i made it for econs and port ops just now.


met da after that
he wasnt late, for the first time.
so proud of him.
coughs.
first time.
in 2.5 years k.
and we went to baskin robins to eat icecream.
he kills me lor.
brought me to kfc last weekend.
and now icecream.
and i ate spaghetti.
and meatballlllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll.
crazy guy. and he made me cry.
cos he scold me. so stupid.
hahaha.
ended up cursing each other again.



haha
okay actually i think im having a fever.
): feel hawwwwt.
thanks thanks.
*vomits*


okay lah.
gna do proj tmr for awhile in school.
bet we'll finish in half an hour to an hour.
so yeah.
so sleepy.


zzz.
mixed feelings k.
gna forget about it.
i feel not okay now.
so how?



bye.

haha cute stalker :P



okay anww.
im back home.
and have to get back to school in an hour.
for band..
band's changed to mon and thurs.
same as someone.
oh well ~


okay umm.
feel sick still today.
especially with the direct aircon and everything.
cant complain hor. ppl in sec sch no aircon.
haha.
so mean.


eh oli got back her results.
and she did well ! to me.
real proud of her.
and hopefully her dad allows sammy !
holy molly.


feel so tired.
._.
okay i went home cos i have no money to eat.
bad state right.
hope sammy will get an owner.
aid me lots lots.


okay bye.

We are the world(Symphonic Prelude)

omg just randomly clicked on band songs on youtube.
so nerd (O:
k this is like the best song i've ever listened.
listen can cry (,:


rmb bvmb played it during sec3 end of year.
i had the flugelhorn solo.
awwman. really miss that.
but anw we screwed up. hahaha.
as usual. but so memorable k.

hi.
this is me killing my cousin.


nah kidding.
seriously gna miss her big big time.
her name's claire.
she's 4 years my junior.


jeez.
when we were young,
like p4 and she was like 6 years old,
our family used to hang out alot.
and went on road trips tgt.
and so. my job then, was to entertain her.
she was damn spoilt and everything.
and such a bugger.
but so cute.
but irritating.
ikr. that feeling of having someone killed in your mind,
then after that crying cos you feel bad about it.
okay yeah that's me. im so mean ):
okay so she was real spoilt and everything.
but after she had a sis around 6 years ago, she became better.
and i liked her .
*grins*
ok. sorry. not like loike.
as in loike.
yeah. she's nice and everything now.
too bad it didnt last much.
she's migrating to perth on 20th.
that's like the SPSB concert. and she cant make it.
so yeah.

gna miss that stinking little brat i once knew.
definately.
and well, her lil sis.
she's like hyper and stuff.
so i couldnt grab her to take a pic.
abit scary tho.
like she's an ipad and galaxy tab freak y'know.
holy moly.
like last year when she turned 5,
she had to wear specs.
and it was like 300-400 deg.
freaking scary.
love her tho.


and like at 1am yst da told me he was below my block.
yer kidding?!
so late.
but yeah.
he's been having fun and gaying with his friends
feel so .
speechless.
or smth.
idk lah.
feel like kicking him.
ok i alr did.
and i drove again.
like a hundred meters.

okay now i've got alot of work.
crap. cos i procrastinated.
im so bad !


and yeah. kinda sick still.
it's a lil worse.
i mean, on fri it was like runny nose.
running? runny? k runny cuter.
and now its like clogged. choked. smth.
my boogey's like dark green with a lil blood.
ouch right.
and like my mom scolded me.
for not going to the bathroom to clear my nose.
wth?


da's school starting anw tmr.
he's gna die for sure.
he's like sleeping at like 3-4am everyday.
crazy.
okay bye.


bye claire.
hope she'll be safe and not turn into an australian ah lian.
if it exists.

AND FRANCESCA's COMING BACK TO SPORE THIS SATURDAY.

from perth too. coincidence huh

woohooo!

it's been like 4 years.

cant believe we still keep in contact huh?

im like the only one.

dont know why.

i think im stupid?

haha.

i dont seem to rmb any bad stuff she did to me.

all the back stabbing activities and whatnot.

oh well.

so excited to meet her !

k bye

P.S. when i read the mail i felt like killing myself honestly.

wth am i thinking man. xiyu gta wake up k woman.

clear your mind. plsplsplsplsplsplpslpspslplss.

(*#)*(#*)@*#@

no bad thoughts k.

okay sorry .



forgot about the blog for at least 24 hours.
anwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.



i skipped stats lesson yst cos i felt so sick.
then da asked me out.
asshole. no sense of sympathy or love or anything.
he made me cross over to malaysia , alone.
so freaking scary.
i was so scared, too scared until when he asked if i was scared.
i said, no ._. <--- poker face.
then he was like , oh, okay.
-.-


yeah so we went to buy his lil bro's birthday present.
and then went to buy rice.
and went to his house
to watch tayong dalawa. hahaha.
ok we caught half of it.
and then we went to kfc.
kfc k.
im sick. we went kfc.
and then i died.
k no. then we went for dinner.
and yeah it was okay.
and he drove me home.
omgwthwts.
along the highway he stopped to let me drive.
like so fun k seriously.
apparently the, i wont take my licence until i can afford car thing failed.
omg i want my licence.
ok lah not really. but it was fun tho.
he was like, 60 oni ah. only can drive until 60.
BOOOOOOSSTTTTTTTTTT.
he got so scared. teeeheee.
and then we stopped over to buy m&ms and poop drink.
y'know the yoghurt drink that aids digestion thing.
VERY effective. haha k.


so tired when i got home.
just knocked out.
this morning when i woke up i felt like dying seriously.
my throat hurts big big big time.
thanks to the nuggets huh.
and yeah the peanut m&ms.
i swear the m&ms peeps are cheapos seriously.
they cut cost, and increase price.
i rmb it used to be like 90cents- $1.10.
now sp sells like 1.80?
and the portion like half.
everyone in my class just turns to buy NIPS.
yeah for the fact it sounds wrong.
and the quantity, not quality.
the peanut's like bitter and stuff.
but it's like 90cents, and 4 times as much.
will have the eat-until-dont-wna-eat. A.K.A jaw pain feeling.
yeah i know.
half satisfied.



okay so.
bunkering lecturer reopened the quiz.
thank god seriously.
THANK YOU.
i didnt do 3 quizes out of the total 6.
sucks to be me huh.
the whole holiday i was like OH CRAPPPP FMLFMLFMLFMFLML.
but, phew.


okay results were okay.
generally Bs?
but not satisfying


cousins are coming to stay over tonight.
for the first time, no matter how irritating they can be,
i do want this.
cos they're migrating to australia for good.
on the 20th jan.
so today will prolly be the last time im seeing them.
gna miss them real bad.
okay im like speaking before they come.
perhaps i'll regret it later.
so mean right.
yeah.
one is 5 this year, and the other 14.
sisterss.
but the lil one's cute, but irritating.
everything you ever say, she'll just reply whateverrrrrrrr.
-.-
idiot.
feel like pulling out her teeth.
she's bohhgay now tho.
which makes it even more fun.


ok then.
bye.


so tired.

okay so the expired cough syrup didnt kill me afterall.
dayummn.


feeling real sick.
and sis just fed me chips.
so evil.


so yah.
i took out the bottle of cough syrup in the fridge.
very sure no one touched it for at least 5 years.
around 10ml left, and that was the proper dossage.
so oh well. i poured it out, saw that it was lumpy,
stared at it, told my mom.
she was like , NO LAH you talk nonsense.
k fine i drank it.
eh seriously.
one of the worst experiences in my life.
like bits of stuff inside.
and bladdy hewww i swallowed.
how stupid.
and yeah expiry in june 2011.
not so bad i guess.
at least it still feels like 2011 to me.
so i guess my body prolly accepted it too.
so sweet.


stay home today cos it's wednesday.
like wednesdayyyyyyy ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
yeah i dont have lessons as usual.
which is good.
hope im well tmr.
dont wna spread the germs to sammy,
and then spread it back to myself again.
thats dumb.


gna sort of start thinking about the port ops presentation now.
like abit scared. cos im doing the intro.
on chhhhhhhhhhiinnaaahh.
no choice.
k nth to be afraid of. i think.
holy moly im so scared ):



k lah bye.
feeling so lethargic now.


i slept at 1130 last night,
woke up at 9am today.
pretty wierd.
cos i was like OMG im so awake k.
and then i took the NEW cough syrup.
and knocked out at 10am.
and woke up at 1.
but feel like sleeping again leh.
btw, i read the syrup label.
side effects are insomnia?
you kidding me?


k bye

blood brothers.



warning : VERY naggy post ahead.


just wna get this off my chest once and for all.
then i'll forget it.
afterall, my blog. (duh)



stupid events, resentment, nose excrement(water form)
feeling really sick now.
is it the weather or isit just me damn it.


and im really physically and mentally exhausted.
dont HAH me.
i know it's the first day of school.
but my bio clock's real screwed.
somehow i couldnt sleep at all last night.
i mean besides the fact that han told me she banged her head on the fridge and cried.
not sure if it was her birthday
but i had a good laugh. a best laugh actually.
so typical of her.


and yeah today i had lessons at 8am.
and got back 3 MST results today.
not quite what i expected i guess.
in a bad way.
wanted to do way better.
but what can i expect.
little progress at a time k chua xi yu.
yeah and by the time im year 3 my cummulative will be like 3.0 with progress.
and i'll be kicked elsewhere.
was really really tired just now seriously.
when i got home i was so tired i cried.
bladdy stupid.
ok i didnt cry cos im tired stupid.
nvrm.


some issues going on.
so what? just have to live with it.
just because you give in and not gain enough respect from certain people,
especially your loved ones, doesnt mean i should just flare right?
it's not like they care actually.
i mean although its my bf or smth,
doesnt make him any better .
and well, while throwing a stupid fit and myself,
i came out with my new year's resolution.
forgive and forget.
so proud of me right?
bet y'all like , ... ._. duh.
yeah. and i wished everyone in the world , which includes me,
will just forget about the resentment and just appreciate every single mini thing we have.
i like that.
OMG I HAVE A NEW ERASER MY LIFE IS COMPLETE.
k not so mini.
k ya maybe that .


yeah. cant believe i actually had those bad thoughts.
so disappointed in myself.
classmates were talking about new year stuff today.
about how much money their parents gave them to buy clothes and what not.
i honestly honestly went blank.
cos umm i never had money from my parents just to buy clothes.
for new year or anything.
well, at least my mom made sure i didnt have any thoughts.
she'll be like, )(*)(*)(*@#@%#$!@ you have so many clothes and blah blahhh.
those were my sister's bras mom.
no kidding.
yeah and i felt a lil angry and of course jealous, doh.
like so unfair people get to spend hundreds without having to feel the pain of where that amount came from.
it's not that they're rich or anything.
i dont know.
but it felt the norm.
and i felt so stupid.
had the urge to just barge in to my mom's room and reach my hands out.
so bad right.
yeah guess i managed to slap myself damn hard to reality.
literally.
i dont need those stuff to be honest. its all material.
it's not like im in a bad condition any huh?
i got the freaking nerve to blog with my own laptop.
and if i said i dont have anything,
i promise any random person reading this can just slap me and call me bastard.
not so hard hor.
i just want my dad back here


so, blood brothers.
get it?




ok done.

SHOOT ME PLEASE
IM SO TIRED
i nearly fell asleep eating my potatoes for dinner


ok bye

thank god for the no lesson day tmr


bye

It's 2nd january ! (AGAIN)
some unknown person's birthday.
cant rmb.
oh .. ohh...








happy birthday han !
it's okay, she'll read this on wednesday.
if she ever reads this.
i know im so sweet and everything.
dont even know if she'll ever read this,
cos perhaps she doesnt know it's her birthday yet today.


HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
this is us, eating dinosaur rocks on the last day of school.
so memorable right.
with the 4e2 logo on my head and some stupid heart on yours.
doesnt make sense.
think this is the best photo of you so far.
you look so.... pretty.
you look like the dinosaur mama eating her own eggs.
and i most definately look like myself. (duh)



this is us at coffee bean where you attempt to go on diet
and end up sharing my sandwhich.
so nice.
i love my hair omg.
cos i cut my fringe myself.
(notice how you're always the one holding the cam)



this is us at HAN's cafe, after o lvls.
stoning and eating ur kaya toast.
because we only had a budget of $5.60
(total combined amount left in our pockets)





this is us, during speech last year . with huijuann.
and your girl BRIGADE uniform.
too bad u werent wearing ur cancer hat.
it'd be nicer.
our last day of cca.






okay this is sec3.
the i-thought-you-were-damn-nice period.
i'd like force you to sit beside me during amath period
cos i think i fell in love with u.
umm.
and we'd like crap and everything.
and every time i'd like wish for you to reveal ur diary bit by bit.
which was kinda funny.
yeah that was all the fun before everything happened once upon a time.


this was actually the day i found out you were true blonde. and bimbotic.
we took this pic with my phone camera.
which was real cool for me last time.
cos phones werent allowed and all.
im so cool.
okay the part was, it was taken at a different angle.
and you were like, OMG WHY THE MOUSE EXPAND UNTIL SO BIG.
IT LOOKS LIKE A REAL MOUSE
umm. yeah.


eh. wierd button nose i had there.

thank goodness for the plastic.


no k kidding.

guess what?

i think i lost the ECP ''4e2 outing''

the day we went ECP ourselves.

just the two of us.

and you told others about the 4e2 outing.

woman living in self-denial. but oh well.

that's han.

i lost the photos omg ! ):

kkkkkk love you han.

bye.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

huh. school's starting tmr.

8am.

the worst part, IT on tues as usual for 4hours.

i hate my life seriously.

k bye

okay yeah.
new year ! boring day.
spent my entire day cleaning up my room.
now its neat.
and sis say she can hear the echo.
coolio.



okay i havent quite updated any new year resolutions right?
i havent been actually thinking to be honest.
such a bum.
k gna start thinking now.
think think think. nope. nth.


anw, stuffys replied the mail.
like so happy, and of course contented.
hopefully this would be a better year after the screw up year i had a day before.
i mean yeah, who doesnt say that every year.
so imma say it too.


school's starting in like 1 day.
i feel like crying seriously.
omgomgomgg.
no really. i feel like crying , literally.
can just rip my hair off.
no cannot, i just did frizzy hair treatment


k. tmr im gna stone in bed for 5 hours.
must make the time worth horr?


ok bye

HAPPY NEW YEAR PEEPS.


it's 2012 and i just had my bath.
i feel so good.
but my room's still messy, bed sheets unchanged,
toys and pillow smelly, bags and shoes not washed.
yep that's about .
so practically, it's 2012.
nth to be surprised about except for the fact that i smell nice.
( currently )




and so yesterday i woke up pretty early.
for my bioclock , yes.
like 10am ?
holy moly 10am .
so early k.
you guys can just watch me die or self-destruct when school reopens.
went to school to meet danielle and yiuwah for econs project.
bladdy hewwwwww?
was wondering for weeks why they werent panicking or whatsoever with the deadline.
i didnt see the deadline as 20th jan.
ttttttttoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooot.
hahhaa
okay and then i was really tired and stoned throughout
and went home to stone.
wanted to nap but no time.
and i bathed and met da.
at like 4pm.
asshole, he's always late.
sis say i should just walk away if a guy is late.
why didnt i think of that throughout the 2years and 4months.
i ought to.
she's like bladdy ruthless and heartless and whatever she can be to guys.
but i ought to learn
okay so we went like 313 again.
omg. i just went there 2 days ago
and yeah went to ''shop''
so boring to shop with that guy.
we went h&m . like nth.
for him. idiot guy.


wanted to go to GJ with rosalind to find JH and rum.
really miss them alot, really.
but i jeez, i was so freaking tired i could sleep standing.
and da dragged me to some stupid movie.
MARGIN CALL.
the stupidest movie. ever.
over its the 2nd stupidest.
the stupidest was when i watched with dq and huivoon in sec2
some show called dan's life or smth.
practically showing the life of that guy.
which is ...
and plus the awkwardness.
ok yes, i nearly fell asleep yesterday.
stupid movie.
waste my time.
i feel like kicking da.
ok no kidding.
ok maybe abit.
damn it i wanted to watch new year's eve.
so so so sad.


today i met up with him again.
cos he's abit sick and he acts like a girl and acts like he's dying.
he has flu.
and i get it too now.
damn it .


okay and just now i went with sis to eat icecream.
and a lil bit of fries .
and IM SO TIRED damn it.
someone save me.
feel like knocking out alr.
but gna force myself to send one last email to him.
before i give up.


okay so happy new year.
bye.