the start of another week again right?
another week, another beginning.



this would be my final week,
before i put down every of my troubles and start a new semester.
i have got to give it my best this time.
no turning back remember?
i'll do it for you, i promise.



this page feels rather big.
now that i dont get to blog about how much fun we had and whatnot.




no idea why my blog views shot up nearly 5 times.
perhaps because of him?
well, here's what.
we broke up.
not because we quarrelled or whatever you're thinking.
but because we havent got the time and no longer have the ability to commit
like putting a bullet through my own head,
or slapping myself in the face right?
i dont have a choice.
things have changed.
but hey, im still here.



situations like these where you get to face the ultimate question.
Anyone can stake a claim about what sacrifices they have made and tell it in your face.
Anyone, easily.
ultimately the part of this crap is actually making sacrifices, and actually not letting another know about it.
how many can seriously raise their hands and say so?
difficult, and challenging aye?



million thoughts ran through my mind these few days.
i've spent my entire weekend just staying in bed.
wishing i could just die here, under the covers.
it really hurt so bad.
there was nothing bad i could think of you.
nothing.
just reminiscing, nothing but reminiscing the memories and times we had.
how we did stupid things together,
and how we lived to tell tales about our past, indecent or not.
those were the best times.
from being band mates, to teasing each other, to watching a horror movie you were more afraid of than i was, till holding hands and not being accepted by the others around us.
we got through all these.
and yet, we thought nothing else impossible would stand in our way.
we ended it peaceful.
at least there were these memories left behind.
at least we dont hate each other like other couples.



it's good to die in bed sometimes.
just sometimes.
i mean, it's the holidays now and everything.
all the time in the world i've got.
the human mind is easily lulled into a state of disturbance.
way too easy. thanks to our built-in so-called ''emotions''
i happen to chance upon a video that got erased on my ipod recently.
shall perhaps post it soon to share it with you guys.
i think i did before.
how i mentioned how much it made me cry.
and how i showed him, and he was like,
'' you wna do this when we're old don't you?''



this is unfortunately going to go on for a period of time.
i hope you'll bear with me guys.
or at least, stop reading my posts for a month or 2.
maybe come back after and, i'll be just fine.
2.5 years really wasnt easy.
or should i say 31.5 months.
to think back of how much we've been through.
you're really brave..




went kayaking today,
in hope that i'll be able to slowly place everything aside,
and relax while absorbing my needed warmth and supply of vitamin D
afterall, i've stayed indoors for too long now.
i feel all fat ( and flabby ) now that i start thinking of how much
''exercise'' i've done this holiday.
that's accomplishment for today.
apparently the forget-you plan failed.
got reminded of the time when we went to tioman island with your family.
and we had this kayak session.
and a competition with your brother and his girlfriend, and your parents and little brother.
we beat them because we were peddling like crazy, and they were so shocked.
the see through waters and sandy beaches were all so awesome and relaxing.



enough said for tonight,
im terribly worn out now,
attempting to drown myself in whatever i can find.
be it the guitar or anything else.
i wish you well.



and to mom,
im really sorry i cant tell you face to face.
but im really sorry about the other night.
i didnt mean to not pick up those 78 missed calls or your texts and made u stay up all night.
i was in such wreck i wasn't thinking,
im sorry mom, it won't happen again



goodnight guys