Fluffs and bunnies

Been thinking heaps lately about my expectations in life. Not just my own expectations, but the expectations that others have of me. Sometimes it's hard to please everyone, and when I try to do so, it leaves me alone and weary at the end of the day. Was speaking to dad earlier on (finally after 2.5 months). Apparently he's been very upset at me for being ahead of myself, and not being humble enough to accept his criticisms. Isn't it always? It's always hard to hear from others that you fucked up, when you actually thought you were doing well. Even hardly to reflect and admit your mistakes. I guess I can finally admit that in this aspect, I am wilful at times, and I need to work on it. At last I set things straight with one man. hahaha

Moving on, this week has been pretty crazy. I thought we were all doing fine, and next thing i know half the department was made to leave. It's hard to adapt, but I believe it's even harder for the ones that left, and I genuinely hope that wherever they will be next they thrive. Even for that little amount of time, being with the planners really reminded me of my old man. So stubborn and insistent, but yet so misunderstood and experienced. As dad always taught me, it's always good to give others the benefit of the doubt. And by doing so, no matter how wrong they seem, I choose to believe that everyone out there has a good heart. Sounds stupid, but aren't we all just taking life day by day and ensuring we live life to its fullest? Isn't that everyone's ultimately life goal, even though we are often so quick to divert.

This Easter break hasn't been easy for me either. Firstly it happened to be grandma's death anniversary. Just reminded me about how I missed everything when she was around, how safe i felt when she was around me, and all the happy moments we shared. I wish she was here witness all my little achievements, and be my best friend again, the shoulder to lean on.

Tickets were also booked way in advance for him to fly down this holiday. Obviously before it happened, we broke up. It's been very difficult for me because even though I know it's over, I'm not afraid to say that a part of me was clinging onto some sort of hope that all my pain will magically disappear and he would once again appear and make everything okay. It's not okay. I know it's not. It sucks, but I've to get over it. You can do this. I guess if i see it in a positive way, there will no longer be any glimpse of hope. No dangling fluff of strings left attached. I pray i move on and be happy.

To be honest it's not been easy. The situation with my dad, with my now ex. The past month was so painful. Ups and downs I can hardly manage.  I will be okay.